What are my needs during tough times

Today my T was asking me about my needs and what they are - particularly what I need from others. I have no idea

I said I was quite happy being on my own - my T then got a sneaky question in about SI and said if I don't need anyone, how can I explain my need for SI - and what my needs are at those times which would be an alternative to SI.

I again have no idea

I know no-one can tell me what my needs are and I knw there are distractions I can use to try to avoid SI - but I am really stuck in trying to understand at those times what my actual needs are.

Does anyone else know what theirs are?

hi soup, hope i can help. why not take a look at your SI. do you feel you need help re this? that is one need if your answer is yes. do you get depressed after you SI?..like getting upset you do it but feel you can't stop? that is another need. does distraction really help you not do it but only take up time before you SI again? if yes, that's another need.
suggestion-sit quietly and focus on how you feel. write down any thoughts you feel. your needs will probably be on that list.
another thought since you started this thread, you need support.

Just theorizing here...

I, myself, am rather detached from most socialization. I don't really find many interactions profitable and thereby avoid them if at all possible. I think, ideally, that the person I wish most to interact with is someone that is very much like myself. Just to climb further up Mount Narcissism, I think the person I wish most to interact with IS myself; another me. Realistically though I don't think I would get along with this person very well simply because it is in my nature to find fault if none is easily visible. You then of course go into this whole 'duality of man' scenario where I both love and hate myself. This is kind of a paradoxical situation, obviously, as you can't both want something and not want it at the same time. So the issue has to lie somewhere other than what my personal desires are and maybe more in the areas of how I perceive myself and how I perceive others. e.g. What faults do I fail to see in myself that I see in others? What strengths do others have in common with me that I fail to recognize? Where in lies the disconnect?

Tl;dr I don't like people because they're different from me, but I probably wouldn't like them if they were identical to myself. Perhaps due to an underlying lack of cognition when identifying likenesses and differences between us.

My T told me to use fantasy if necessary to explore my needs - so I wondered if it is something from someone that I need at those time of deep despair as I know I often think (say) "please help me, I can't stand this". So I imagined an angel standing next to me - could see the angel really clearly in mind, complete with halo and golden glow - but still I didn't know what it was I wanted from the angel. I wondered if it was a hug, but then thought that if that is my need how on earth would I get it met other than in fantasy - so got a bit stuck really.

Thank-you madisgram, it is so hard for me to admit that I need other people in my life - I think despite everything, I have done a fairly good job of looking after myself and learning to rely on myself - but I think you are right, I probably do need support - it just makes me feel very vulnerable if I don't appear strong and capable - not sure why. It feels safer on here though.

ImiDAKiml - thank-you for your post - I think I am going to climb into my head for a bit and wonder what it would be like for me to meet me - maybe me and me can put our heads together and have a chat and together explore needs - I think that may be useful.

i often feel in need of a hug, i have a couple of guy friends who are just friends nothing more, but they are both great at giving hugs when i need one. ok they are not always around so i have a large really soft huggable stuffed toy snowman (chilly)who keeps me going till i can get a human one! i periodically give him a drop of my late partners aftershave, it is so comforting just to have the smell of him on 'chilly'