Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloClarice
it sounds stupid, but the book what color is your parachute? has helped me to identify patterns in my interests and identify my strengths. i know it's more of a job search tool than anything else but it made me feel good somehow to see that i was better at more things that i thought. part of my problem with finding direction is that as soon as i decide i want to do something i convince myself that i'm an idiot loser who sucks at life and could never be good at whatever i'm considering.
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haha, that "not being an idiot loser who sucks" is the damn thing that gets me every time. lol.
so i took 6 months off work (after getting laid off) to figure out what i really wanted to do. I settled on some sort of research, but still can't figure out if i would actually like it. So i got offered a job doing data work at a place that does macro research, i was all GREAT! I'll find out! then i got offered another job the same day, and due to not being able to trust myself, i asked my friends, they said i should take the other job b/c it had a better title. So i took the job I didn't want. Which is how i ended up here, after realizing what a stupid mistake i made (at 38 mind you, it's not like 'oh chin' up, opportunities come really applies) i felt so much frustration on YET AGAIN losing out b/c of my dysfunction (i also found myself under so much pressure just b/c i could not tell both jobs i needed a day to decide, and that comes from not being allowed to speak or ask for anything, my entire developmental life) that i wanted to take a gun and blow my head off. So now i'm STILL trying, after 10 years of working on my issues, to still have something i want. And failing. once again. So i'm giving it YET another shot and trying to improve myself. If i can't do it, i will definitely give up.