If you don't mind my asking... is that how you'd describe it while you're actually in that place? How you'd describe it only afterwards when you're in a different state of mind? How someone else might describe what you do (and you're trying to learn to see it their way)?

Does whatever you're trying to destroy (as you put it) look good and positive to you at the time, or only later when you look back on it? However it looks, do you find yourself thinking "That's in my way and needs to be destroyed," or more like, "I'd better fix that... oops, that wasn't how I planned it!"...?