My Support Forums - View Single Post - Discipline and Parenting my best friends daughter

AAAAA · Aug 29, 2011, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KathyM

Well said AAAAA.

I only have experience with a son. When he was a young teenager, I'd remind him how much his grandparents loved him and how much I intend to love my own grandchildren. I would tell him how broken-hearted I'd be if any of my grandchildren had to suffer. If he chose to have sex with a girl, he needed to be sure he could deal with the possible consequences. He AND the girl would have to be prepared to throw away their own dreams and devote at least the next 18 years to that child. You never know if a child will be born with disabilities and special needs. Even a healthy child can throw well laid plans off track. Furthermore, if a child is produced from a relationship - he needed to be prepared to have the mother of his children play a role in the rest of his life. It usually adds a lot of extra burden to any future relationships - on both sides.

If your daughter thinks she's prepared to give her body to this young man, is she truly prepared for the consequences? Does this boy have what it takes to provide for a child - and her? Does he have the character traits she wants in a child? My son had little contact with his father while growing up, but it didn't matter because genetics played a huge role. He may have been raised by his stepfather, but he's exactly like my ex-husband (thank God I liked my ex as a person, lol).

Lastly, as a woman, I would advise your daughter to have more respect for herself. Her body is not a toy. If she has no respect for her body, her heart, and her life.....men won't either. Even if a child is not produced, she's play a dangerous game with her heart. She should spend a little more time getting to know her own heart and what it wants out of life before giving it to someone else.

Good luck, and kudos to you for taking on your best friend's daughter as your own.

Thanks Kathy! We have three sons. The realization that they could have children with our participation in their life depending on the whims of a one night stand or a casual relationship was terrifying. A very close family member got pregnant and the… oh I cannot even think of the appropriate term for that individual; human does not even fit. Anyway, once she decided to keep the baby he had nothing more to do with her. Once the baby was born it not only looked exactly like the “father” but DNA proved it was his. Neither he nor his parents had anything nothing to do with the child. This is a small town, but if they were in the grocery store and the child was there they looked right through him as if he did not exist. Oh and Church, they went to the same bleeping church! How do you ignore your grandson in church? During a picnic one time his ball rolled by her chair. She bent to pick it up and hand it to him until she realized who it was. She just dropped it and turned her back! I confronted her about it. She said that her son said it wasn’t his and she had to believe her son. Have you looked at him? Have you never heard of DNA? Why does he have to pay child support every month then?

My husband and I were talking about it one day and I said “what the hell is wrong with his mother (paternal grandmother) he’s a loser but this is her grandchild! There is nothing on this planet that would keep me away from my grandchildren!” Hubby’s response chilled me to the bone “except the child’s mother.”

In my cousin’s case, she would have been happy to have the paternal family involved (in the beginning) but that isn’t to say that someone wouldn’t prevent me from seeing my grandchildren because she was angry or wanted to manipulate my son. But my cousin also met and married a wonderful man. He raised the child as his own; the boy (man now) has no idea that someone else donated to his genetic make up. I will give the donor credit where credit is due. I was concerned that once she was happily married living her life that he would rear his ugly head and upset the boat; particularly in those troublesome teenage years. (The “logic” being that he would realize what he had missed out on once he had matured.) But like a true coward he remained in the shadows.

I digress. So sorry for the temporary thread highjack.