Here are the basics about my relationship so you can get a greater understanding of where I am. I'm 21. I'm a lesbian. My girlfriend is turning 25 in September. We met online from a dating site last year, July 2010. We first met and started dating in August 2010. I asked her out officially to be my girlfriend in November 2010. We have been dating for almost 10 months officially as girlfriends. It's the longest relationship I've ever had and she has such a good heart. But we have also gone through some negative bumps in our road. I'm going to vent about those problems because I am in serious need of some advice or help:

I've addressed to her that the problems in our relationship are sexual problems, dominance problems and her frustration problems. Back in the day sexually...I would initiate everything. Well, I consider myself extremely submissive..in my past relationships I have been with "butch" kind of lesbians..tomboys..who consider themselves the "man" in the relationship..they would take the initiative to kiss me first..hold my hand first..flirt with me constantly..initiate sex primarily. So I'm used to that. I was always "the girl" But now I feel kind of lost right now in my relationship. Because my girlfriend is kind of a tomboy..but not really. She never initiates anything. I first kissed her. I first held her hand. I first asked her as my girlfriend. I first gave her a nice piece of jewelry. I first initiated sex with her. So this was our first issue...sex..of all things. But things started getting more complicated.. like.. I'd initiate sex and she'd be "too tired" to reciprocate it back..and that would hurt my feelings a lot. Or I'd initiate sex and she'd give it back but her arm was sore so she'd stop before I'd orgasm..or she'd have a headache or some type of excuse where she wouldn't want to have sex. I'd get in a weird mood and take anger and frustrated out on her..which would hurt her. This is because I am a very sexual person and I am not getting sexually what I wanted from her. I wanted a more dominate sexual girl..someone who'd push me against the wall and kiss me passionately..someone who'd turn me over in bed and start making love to me spontaneously.. We'd fight and cry about this issue a lot..and I hated that..because sex should be natural and spontaneous and loving with lots of passion and sparks..with her it always seemed planned..and I'd always initiate..which I thought was why I'd never get off at all with her..or orgasm..because it wasn't how it should be. Because of this reason, I broke up with her for a few weeks..we still dated.. I told her I wanted change. I couldn't understand.. she'd get so frustrated sometimes and that's another thing I wanted to change.. like I'd do nice things and she'd get so angry over nothing or little things and it'd upset and hurt my feelings a lot.

During our "break" we were both depressed. I am in love with her..truly and I wanted to be back with her. Her ex girlfriend whose also her friend (no, there's no chance they're getting back together, they're solely friends) and I talked and she let me vent to her about our problems. She said she had the same problems and she knew the reason why. I asked her and she told me that my girlfriend is "Shy." See, her ex girlfriend is the dominant one..she's butch..and initiates things. But I'm not. The ex told me that she's shy and has low confidence when it comes to those things. But the thing I CAN'T understand is why she's shy with me if she's been with me for almost a year. I want to shake it out of her and wake her up because it's hurting me. She asked me to be her girlfriend again and I accepted..because I love her more than anyone and anything on this world..and I've seen a change with her frustration and attitude..occasionally she gets frustrated over something stupid in which case I back away or I say something and we fight a little but then she owns up to it and apologizes.. Like yesterday for example..we ordered and picked up a pizza..and she was in the kitchen getting plates to set the table..I went in the kitchen to help since I'm the host..and she had three plates in her hand. I replied that we needed 4 because my sister was joining us to eat..in which case she gave me the nastiest look ever..And I snapped back and asked what the hell was her problem. She thought I assumed that she wasn't going to get the other plate..and I said well I just was trying to be helpful and I thought you thought that my sister wasn't going..since she's anorexic and never really eats at the dinner table anyways...so I was just advising you that we needed an extra plate..and while we were arguing our voices got louder..then we stopped when my mom and sister came in the room..and I was sitting there frustrated over the whole thing..ABOUT PLATES.. silly, you know? Later she hugged me and apologized..but I would have rather had an explanation or a further longer apology on why she was saying sorry..not just I'm sorry because she felt like the asshole.

Anyways, the sexual problems are still alive..and it's hurting me. We haven't had sex in months..and I'm a kind of person that likes sex almost every night before I go to bed..or well a few times a week. And I haven't done anything to initiate sex or anything with her because I want her to do that and she knows I want her to do that..and it's making me frustrated because she's not making that move.. the week before I broke up with her was because of a sexual reason too..it was the week after my birthday..we all went out in the city to club.. I got extremely drunk..more drunk than intended..I didn't throw up or anything but my entire body was numb and I couldn't walk or talk or comprehend things very well. We stayed over her brother's apartment. I passed out on the bed..I was so numb I couldn't move. I remember her trying to do things to me..and I woke up sore not knowing why. She later told me she never realized how someone could rape someone..cause she was apparently fingering and doing things to me and I wasn't moving or reacting. NOW, what hurt me the most was that THAT was one of the only times where she tried initiating..when I was so drunk I wouldn't move or respond. It hurt me. She's my girlfriend...she should let me receive love and feel good.

Anyways we're back together like I said. Haven't had sex for months. There were times where we have been alone and she just won't initiate a thing and it's killing me. Some days I have even blurted out..."Babe we haven't had sex in forever" or "babe I'm turned on" And nothing. She told me yesterday I hurt her feelings because while we were laying on the couch and she was kissing my neck..and quickly grabbing me bellow..I told her she was shy. I only did that because when she quickly grabs..it hurts my bellow a lot..like she doesn't even touch me correctly? She grabs so quickly it like makes me hurt. because it's rushed because she's shy..and kissing my neck..that turns me on a lot..like really badly..and I know she wasn't going to follow through with anything sexually because my sister was in the room with us and my mother was also home..I live in a one floor thin walled apartment with my mother for now..so I knew she couldn't do anything sexual if she even tried that day..so her "teasing" me was making me frustrated even more.

I don't get why she is shy with me.. and I don't know how to communicate this more to her even though she already knows it all because I have told her how I feel..it hurts her every time we talk about this..because "she knows but she doesn't act" I really don't know what to do. She says she's shy because her ex was her first girlfriend..but like I've only had one other girlfriend myself..and I was always the submissive just like she was always the submissive with her ex. And I've thrown so much effort in.. I just want it returned.. In every other way she is the best girlfriend I've ever had...she wants to save me from my abusive family..give me a place to stay with her..provide for me..and love me. It's just this one problem in the way. And this is a huge problem for me because I'm extremely sexual..ever since I was a little girl I have been..well because of abuse..but I just want that love returned..I want her to initiate without me hinting..or flirting or helping her get into it. Is it possible? I want to have faith in her.