Rose what I mean by "changing brain patterns" is I mean by brain plasticity.

I started to read a book a while back (I Am bad with books at times please forgive me) but the book was called the Brain that Changes itself but I really like the idea of brain plasticity and that we ourselves with time can help "re-wire our brains" in a sense to a degree, to do better for our selves, It is very positive thinking, and I always like the idea of it.

Changing brain patterns is not an unreal thought of popping a pill and becoming someone new to me... I know it would take time, and may not be successful with the doubt I have with in me at times, but I love the idea of it. In same ways as a teenage and how I am now- I believe I have experience this change in the brain.

I just wondered if the whole drug stuff is to help with that-- if it is all that you mentioned as such, with too depressed to get out of bed...well I manage to get out of bed even when i feel the worse,

This mainly due to previous obstacles that I had to over come when I was younger and alone. Today they can be easier due to I do have someone that is with me that is great and loves me.

Thank you for your complement, I have taken a lot of sayings from different things to try to better myself as i grew up-Mainly from School and reading and what I felt was right in my heart.....my mom was bad with any advice- I use her as the model of an anti person to be (if you knew you would understand)- My father gave me some advice as a teenager that i try to keep in my head but I find some days I can not remember some things with him that he told me..... I know I had a drug spout for about 5 years but it is ok- none the less even with drugs- I still had strived to be a good person for my own good, as I am sure many people do- I know a few personally that are the same as I was, however I know others that the addiction has gotten too much too them and they are not the same at all. Even with this I know drugs had a bad impact- I dont read like i use to- but yet there are times i get the spark and do.... 18-22 was really a bad time in my life due to a lot of stuff going on.. too much to explain- and yes I took a bad route with drugs- but none the less I learned from it at the same time
that in the end all that I can do, and I think we all can do, is Learn from our mistakes. As you mentioned Rose- your story of when you were 19, you learned from it and later on you got your help you needed

I agree therapy about some things I do need help with- it is why I went- I can see it- I know it- but if this time around is not the time for me than ok. IDK how else to try to talk about stuff when I get told I am not stable enough according this therapist, but yet she says do I even need therapy due to I do try on my own on things....

Therapy probably should had been something as a teenager for me or as a child- but yet I tried to fix my problems cuz my family was not ones to do stuff like that, my mother ignored the fact of something going on- and my father- well even to this day I remember he did not think some things were wrong when my sister told what happened to her, which confuses me still. and lord forbid to talk about your issues with a stranger is my family view as well as dont admit you have an issue.- In addition family did not want to talk about issues really...
Its hard to explain but I know there are at least a few other families out there like that. But with it all- I tried on my own with reading as a teenage, and tried listening to others about their issues and tried to help them out (sadly i never brought my issues to the table with friends, but some i think felt something and we would talk some times with non specific stuff), and so on. Tried to find good examples and go by them.

Just some things I need help with- that I have read things for my issues these days, and tried to do skills on my own with coping (some work at timse other times I fail)- and talking to my boyfriend helps a lot- you are right Rose he is a sound person and judgment but, some things, i just think i need some help on- which i was trying with therapy, and maybe still or in the future... will see after next week and what will be said