Thanks so much Kindachaotic, for your words of support, I have gone to a lot of therapy and worked on a lot of forgiveness. I'll admit it is hard to keep up with the forgiveness when she is constantly coming up with new things to forgive.

My mom and your mom sound a lot alike from your threads. I know my mom has had a very traumatic life and I know she is not mentally healthy. I try to keep that in mind and leave room for her to be human. But it's hard knowing she had been on meds for years and refuses real treatment or is unwilling to change. She is the child in the realationship. After all these years I still miss my mom and I am finding accepting that it will always be this way very hard.

I have pretty much stopped trying to reach her unattainable standards she sets, that she herself cannot meet. She even expects the grandchildren to be the adults in her relationships with her. But the last few times of me needing her say when I was hospitalized for psychotic mania and she wasn't there, not even a call. And it just stings. I am always there for her, and maybe that's what has to change , I don't know.