Thanks for the advice. Last time I went (two months ago) he recommended Mirtazapine for depression, anxiety and sleeping problems. It's still in the back of my mind and if he mentions it again I think I might take him up on it. I just worry about taking any kind of medication at the moment. Sometimes I'm desperate for it, just something, anything to dull feeling. Other times I'm far too wary to even consider it, I don't want to end up dependent on anything, and I don't want anything to push me the other way into craziness either, as has happened in the past.

I thought I was coming back up today - despite lack of sleep, I didn't feel like dying (that's me being overdramatic about the physical effects of sleeplessness, rather than suggesting that I'm currently suicidal). I was rather hoping it might turn into a little buzz of hypomania like last week. But I'm feeling completely drained again now. My mind is just full of negativity and I can't make it shut the hell up. I hate writing like this - I hate *feeling* like this.