Please don't give up hope! Though, perhaps the maxim about as soon as you stop looking for love it appears miraculously out of nowhere might work in this situation, too! I NEVER thought I'd find the 'right' T after a really bad experience and even when we started meeting I didn't realize that she was 'it' - it took time for our relationship to grow and us to get to know each other's boundaries and styles. It is hard, dammit, to have to deal with not only opening oneself up, but also to choose the right person to do this with! But there are lots of good ones out there... it will happen for you