is T on your side?

I feel so alone most of the time. I so badly want to have a T who is on my side. I guess it is human nature to be a little fickle but I think people who have been through stuff take that more personally. It becomes a real thing in your brain when people blame you. Like what is wrong with me.

Do you feel T is on your side? How do you know?

(Btw I have some very supportive relationships right now and I can tell those people are good because we have been through stuff and we know each other. But it is different with a T because they could be anyone... you don't even really get to know them!)

To give some background info... (yes, I reveal too much, making me a total "target") this year I have experienced some extremely conflictual human behaviors, like violence, assault, verbal abuse in a relationship, and having my name tarnished and basically being bullied into resigning from a job (different people... it would be horrible if it were all the same person that did that). I feel like therapy should be a safe haven from that, but basically all I've experienced is being blamed and having the onus put on me.

The last straw happened today and I just snapped. My family has always been ok with bad things happening to me and I am so angry to encounter the same hypocricy in therapy. I never, ever, ever want to go back to some practitioner who is ok with putting the onus on me.

Am I done with therapy? And, if anyone wants to blame me or say I'm just doing it wrong, go ahead, that's all on you. One of the benefits of cyberspace.

my therapist is definitely on my side. sometimes it seems she's more concerned for me than i am for myself!

My T is definitely on my side. He is with me through all of my episodes, my hospitalizations, my joys, my sorrows, my triumphs. He is my rock. Just tonight he called to check on me, knowing I have gone into a nose dive of depression. He'll see me through this; he always does.

That's amazing... where does one find such good people? Sometimes I think it's a bad thing that they're still out there. We should all just run amock b/c I feel like the hope can drive you crazy.

Same here.

Yes, my T is absolutely on my side. There was only one time I even questioned it...we were talking about my H...and I said "hey, you're supposed to be on MY side" (kind of half-jokingly) and he replied, VERY seriously, "I will always be on your side". And I believed him. He's probably more on my side than *I* am.

Did your T say something to make you feel like he's not on your side??

.........

I believe that my current therapist is on my side, absolutely. I want to share the best thing that she's done for me - really one of the best things that anyone's ever done for me. I had a very difficult therapy relationship right before her. It was unhealthy, I became powerless (I take responsibility for my part in this), and because she insisted on using the same approach that clearly wasn't working for so long I moved backwards in some important ways (the child really flared up and got scared - still lingering effects now). The problem is that I didn't see all of this at the time, wouldn't allow myself to see it because I (the child part) was blinded by things like her hugs and when she told me that she loved me and became so dependent on her - gave up my power to her. So as I became closer to my current therapist (I started with her because I moved to another state for work), I started to see differences and feel more respected and like my feelings were OK, etc. Slowly what had been a childlike love for/attachment to my previous therapist dissipated and I became really angry. My current therapist proposed talking to my old one some. Then my old one and I met and that didn't go so great. So now my therapist is writing her a letter to share her approach with me and the growth that she's seen after our 14 months together. I feel like she's completely my advocate and on my side. This previous relationship really, really hurt me and because of the confines of post-therapy relationships, I'm not free to really talk to the old therapist about it. I did write her 6 months ago and then we met, but that's all that she's allowing. This to me shows that my therapist on my side. This situation has really torn me apart, in part because I gave up my power to and trusted someone who didn't have my best interests in mind and didn't really know what she was doing.

My therapist is also definitely on my side...like 99% of the time. In the last two weeks, she's pushed me a bit, and pushed some responsibility for something on to me, but she's right in this case, I just didn't want to acknowledge it. In this particular instance, she's pushing me to make changes that I keep saying I want to make, but then keep chickening out of.

Usually, my therapist is totally on my side, sometimes more on my side than I am. There have been times I've told her things and she's been angry for me when I haven't been able to feel the anger yet. I've found that she expresses a lot of emotions for me that I can't seem to feel yet, but I'm working on that. Seeing my T react a certain way to things actually helps me to know what is appropriate to feel and I appreciate that so much.

I love the relationship I have with my T and I'm grateful that she is on my side. I have friends I trust, but when I need that little bit more support, I know my T is there.

Thank you for sharing all of your experiences with me. Each and every one has been helpful & reading them gives me a much needed boost. I am going through something really painful right now and unfortunately might not have met someone who can help T-wise. But I will say this, PC is there in extremis. Getting feedback from here tends to help a lot.

I seriously doubt it. But I am not sure I how I would know or why it would matter.

It took a while to find a tdoc with the right stuff, but it was worth the crap in between

Yes, very much. He has never criticized me or blamed me and in fact wants to make sure I understand that I am not the sole (or even major) cause of my issues, to be more kind to myself and believe that I'm not a horrible failure and can work through the problems I have. Not to say that he thinks I'm not responsible for anything, but he manages to have a gentle approach that is sensible and honest but never makes me feel guilty or like he's scolding or lecturing me.

I'm sorry you're going through something painful with your T...I hope you're able to resolve things or will be able to find someone you'll feel is also on your side.

Just wanted to say so sorry, rainbow rose, I must have forgotten to hit "thanks!" I appreciated your note.

Still cannot tell. I have trust issues that are being frazzled right now thanks to T's office procedures (or lack of follow up as promised to me) so that current issue, along with contradictory (+ and -) statements/behaviors by T over the past weeks, is so confusing!!! I feel like he is faking it. The not knowing is not therapeutic AT ALL!!!!!!

I fully realize I am just a client and prefer to not be too touchy feely but I am a human being and I do NOT like feeling manipulated and toyed with, especially by someone who knows more about me than anyone else in the world. It feels so degrading and violating, more so than when anyone else does it. I feel like T should realize that. So much for the trust I was starting to build bit by bit.

Yes, absolutely.

I think my T tries to be on reality's side, and tries to pull me over to that side. Usually it's not TOO hard because my family of origin was pretty UNreal, so coming over to the real side lately has been just self-affirming. OTOH, I don't do much - I have already flunked out of life, so there is not much left to be on my side about. I feel there is a lot he would LIKE to be negative about, but is afraid it would be counterproductive.

My immediate answer was yes. Then I thought, hmm, that's because I had a good session today. Remember he pushes me sometimes. But you already know about that lyib. It felt like progress today though- felt more like a real conversation and he really was on my side.

I am glad so many people have support in their lives from their Ts. Unfortunately it is an unfair world filled with a number of fallible people and so a large percentage of us will have a hard time finding the "right" T. And maybe some of us (over here! up top!) never will!!!! And it's not for lack of trying.

Please don't give up hope! Though, perhaps the maxim about as soon as you stop looking for love it appears miraculously out of nowhere might work in this situation, too! I NEVER thought I'd find the 'right' T after a really bad experience and even when we started meeting I didn't realize that she was 'it' - it took time for our relationship to grow and us to get to know each other's boundaries and styles. It is hard, dammit, to have to deal with not only opening oneself up, but also to choose the right person to do this with! But there are lots of good ones out there... it will happen for you

Hrrmmm....Uh, I'm not sure. I'd like to think that he is because he doesn't "reprimand" me or get outwardly mad at me or anything. He always presents himself as accepting, but then again I have a lot of insight to myself and my problems and call myself out on my own BS before he even gets a chance to.

Is your T always like this? I mean, they're supposed to be on our side.....aren't they? We see them because we need help; the last thing I think that anyone of us needs while in therapy is more blame and doubt. You shouldn't have to "prove" yourself like that, imo. I believe there is a clearly marked difference between firm, yet unconditionally supportive VS just plain douchey.

So sorry you're in this position to even have to contemplate this!That's just not right.

Ok I feel better. That helped. It did.... For some reason, that really, really helped.

Well, my T is totally on my side. I know this because she tells me nothing I want to hear unless it is healthy/correct but will tell me what I need to hear even if it is uncomfortable/(healthy) painful. The other way I know she is on my side is I continue becoming healthier in all aspects of my life. The biggest one: she doesnt co-sign my crap. Example: she will ask me how I am feeling and I will say I dont know. She will sit there in silence until I check in with me and really see. If she wasnt on my side/didnt care I dont think that growth would happen.

I really really want you to find that supportive T, who has your back, who is on your side. I remember from the last T you had how much that was something that was important to you and that you desired; and going on what you are sharing here it's even more so now One of my T's I know is absolutely on my side. It's the first time I've ever really felt it with someone before as something that truly is the case. It doesn't mean he always agrees with me; it doesn't mean he accepts everything I say but even knowing that he is on my side.

I know we're only out here in cyberspace, but from the PC family point of view it absolutely is NOT ok that bad things happen to you

Wow farmer girl I want a therapist like yours!

Idk if my therapist is on my side yet. He actually seems kinda overwhelmed. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet