Thank you. I know what you mean about bad thoughts. I am surrounded by things to hurt myself with all night. Usually I have a ton of paperwork. So I come here while I'm doing paperwork and the dual activity helps keep my mind busy. I am ever so glad I found this site it does greatly help.

I know his head is his safe place but I worry one day he'll get lost there and not come back. I know it sounds stupid but there it is that is my fear for him. He's 25 and everyday he gets a little more paranoid and withdraws a little more. The only way I got him to go to therapy was by cutting him off. It hurt me to my soul to do that to my baby brother but I didn't speak to him for 6 days. Didn't acknowledge anything he did. After six days he came to me and just sat on my lap, buried his face in my shoulder and sobbed. So I tried to soothe him and I told him this is what you do to me. You shut me out. You won't talk you ignore everything. You just shut down. I had to make you know how that feels. I did it because I love you and I wanted you to know how scared I am for you. So he's going to therapy now.

I am sorry you know the pain of being isolated at night. I don't know if it's the bipolar or the trauma from my life but my mind turns on itself like a rabid poisonous snake. It sounds like you know that feeling too.

Right now I have to go. I know it's stupid but putting all that out there makes me feel rather vulnerable and exposed. It's dumb I know but it's how I feel. Hope I get to talk to you later though.