Let me tell you the story behind the story. I grew up dirt poor, while Mike has been comfortably middle-class his entire life. He has never been homeless, on any kind of government assistance, or even in the position to have to rent an apartment as opposed to owning a house. I was a welfare child and grew up to be a welfare mother, because I didn't know any other lifestyle. My children, because of poor marriage choices on my part, spent half their childhoods in foster care, and know what it's like to go without. Today the older one is 27 and on disability for mental health reasons. The younger one is almost 26, a single mother, currently living on government assistance, but going to school and working. I know I didn't give them enough survival tools, because I didn't have any to give them.

I moved to Washington from my home state of Kentucky 4 1/2 years ago to be with Mike, who I had met online. It was a goofy, crazy move, but it worked, and I ended up marrying him. Our 3rd wedding anniversary is coming up. About a year after I moved here, my younger daughter followed while pregnant with her second child. (She had miscarried the first.) The father of her baby, plus his three older children from a previous marriage, came out with her. We put them all up, until they could find their own place. Eventually they did but the state came and got all of the children, and they took Alana right out of the hospital when she was born. Because their father was and is an abusive creep, he lost parental rights to the older three, who have since been adopted by other families. The *ONLY* reason my daughter regained custody of Kadoka and Alana is because she is no longer with him, and he is allowed only supervised visits. In Washington, I've heard, they cannot terminate parental rights of only one parent, they have to do both, so this is the best they can do about my grandchildren's father.

My other daughter moved out here just about a month ago, right around the time we bought our dream house. We're selling her the mobile home we had lived in before. She is in a clubhouse program similar to this one to help her become able to work. For help with house payments, she looked for roommates among clubhouse members who needed housing. Consequently, all of the friends she has made so far come from a pretty needy standpoint.

Which brings us to today.

I suppose my daughters feel that since my lifestyle is now so far above what it used to be, they are entitled to ride my coattails. Both of them have removed food from our refrigerator without permission, as has often been done in our family. Any time one family member has more than another, the unspoken policy has been "open fridge," until everybody has the same amount. (Which in practice is "little to nothing.") Mike didn't grow up that way, but since my daughters did, they thought nothing of it. We've had to have some family discussions about that. We're also most definitely not running a soup kitchen for my oldest daughter's roommates. Our house payments have doubled since we moved.

Today my oldest was here with her two roommates, because she needed their help carrying the laundry she brought with her. In exchange for use of the laundry facilities, she vacuumed the floor, which I cannot do. One of the roommates came into our home office and parked at the computer, without asking first, and daughter went to the kitchen and cooked a meal for the three of them. The roommates spent most of their time here on the internet. Daughter tried to rein them in, telling them our generation is shocked at such behavior. They were here for several hours, until the last load of laundry (which I assume was theirs as well as hers) was finished in the dryer.

One of the roommates (who had asked me if I could spare cigarette money, which I did not) answered that it is not generational at all. He says he knows people our age who take the attitude of, "You've been here for five minutes. If you leave hungry, it's your own fault." Daughter tells me that among her generation, this is just how they do at each other's houses. We've also discussed the entitlement mentality, which daughter has studied and has found more prominent among the lower-income people.

I found myself feeling taken advantage of. They were not visiting me. They were visiting the computer, the TV, the refrigerator, and the laundry facilities. It's like being the kid with the coolest toys on the block, and that's the only reason the others all want to play at your house. Not because they like *you.*

I've also found this among other family members, such as siblings and even my mother, as soon as my lifestyle started to improve. Whatever I had, they felt entitled to partake of. Years ago my sister used to come to my house and spend all her time using my telephone, since she could not afford one herself. And they'd help themselves to whatever was in my refrigerator. Same kind of thing. I spoke up, and my mother gave me a speech about how family members take certain liberties with each other, and also how I am the older sister and should look out for the younger one. I really can't blame my daughters for thinking this way, since they have been taught it by other family members. But the bottom line is, we DON'T have enough surplus to feed my daughters, their friends, and my grandchildren any old time they want. Of course, my grandchildren being little, we'll do whatever we can to see that they don't go hungry, if that's ever a problem. But to just have everyone swooping down like vultures... and then because of past conditioning, to feel like a stingy ogre if I protest...

How are things done in your family?