Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
About what you said regarding how we need to learn it is OK NOT to get what we want. . .I still have a really hard time accepting this. I don't feel like I want alot, and i rarely ever ask for things i want. But when i do get brave and ask for what i want, if i am refused, i feel immediately shamed. I feel very small and naked, and following on the heels of that is a sense of self-hate. I don't know why. I think maybe i get mad at myself for putting myself "out there" and getting up false hope about something that "I should have known i wouldn't get or don't deserve." I get mad at myself for putting my neck out on the chopping block and hoping for something other than WHACK!! So, in a sense, it feels like, by asking for what i want, I've put myself in danger and allowed myself to be hurt again.
To be denied feels like a stabbing in my heart.  And once that fades, i become angry and my walls go up ever thicker, while a voice in my head says, "I'll die before i ever ask so-and-so for anything again." I don't know how others accept rejection without feeling hurt, naked, ashamed, and angry. I mean, when it's something that is near and dear to your heart, and it takes SO much courage to ask for in the first place.
.
|
I so get this. I feel the same way. Once I asked T if we could practice her saying 'no' to me. My idea was that I would begin by asking for ridiculous things like, "let's run away with the circus' or 'would you come to my house and cook for me everyday?" And then possibly I could learn to ask from her 'real' stuff and wouldn't be so devastated if she said no. But T wouldn't play that game with me. She wants me to instead grow within myself, yadda yadda yadda.
But now I'm thinking that she doesn't have to 'agree' to play. I can ask the questions anyways knowing I'll get the answer 'no'. My idea is to de-sensitize myself somehow.
I've also reacted by thinking "I'll die before I ask anything again." I even told T once with an intense energy that "I will never ever ever never ever ever never ever ask you again." It was a desperate energetic putting up the solid brick walls again.
I'd also like to hear from people how they manage the painful feelings of rejection by being told no.