Last night, during a group discussion, one of my friends said that life is a series of cycles and rhythms; birth and death, breathing, heartbeat, the seasons, day and night. Life is also suffering. The suffering comes from the difference between the way things are and the way we think that things should be. Freedom from suffering comes from letting go of our attachments to the way we want everything to be. Often this release comes from being kind, particularly to people we do not like.

Strangely, I came home and had a dream that I was at work and I was yelling at someone because they weren’t doing what I believed that they should be doing.

When I woke up this morning, I realized two things. First, I’m not as kind as I think I am. Second, I am struggling with an apparent conflict between letting go (feeling content), and struggling to achieve my goals and dreams.

Erich Fromm described love as an art. He explained that love requires patience, discipline and hard work. He argues that the “whom” in a loving relationship is irrelevant; that “how” the people in that relationship love each other makes the difference between success and failure.

I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years this month. She has been committed and loyal. Our common interests include travel and photography. I’m a teetotaler and she is a social drinker, so that works. Our work schedules conflict. I work 8-5, she works 3-11. I have 50% custody of my kids, so I stay with her on the weeks that I don’t have my kids, and I don’t really see her on the weeks that I do. It wasn’t always like this. We used to see each other a lot more. I’m really pretty lonely lately, and I am losing way too much sleep. Many of our interests do not coincide.

I am torn. I look at other women and I wonder, not just about sex but what it would be like to find new love. Many of the relationships I’ve been in have been disappointing. I am afraid that I will never find someone that I genuinely feel in love with. I wonder if I am having a hard time letting go of unrealistic expectations, or if I am not working hard enough to build a loving relationship.