The flaw in this argument is that there are not just two ways to see a difficulty?

You cannot force yourself to feel X about someone. Yes, you can love "mankind" or "poor people" or person Y, but that is not about the feeling of love, but actions. You would like to feel love and feel loved in return and there is nothing whatsoever either unrealistic or about hard work in that!

My husband and I fell in "fond" because we were afraid of the "L" word. But we do love each other and "fell" head-over-heels in love but that feeling is better described as attraction and it does not last! I do not think you are talking about that feeling though. We can act loving, do loving things and, as in "Fiddler on the Roof" eventually we realize we in fact "Love" the other person. Or, we can feel attraction for another and build experiences together that confirm the attraction and the loving feelings so when the head-over-heels feeling goes, there is still the respect and desire to continue to act in a loving way. If a person loves "poor people" and works to help them, eventually there will be burn out if something is not gained in return! That is not about the person doing the loving being crass or unrealistic, it is just the way things are. We give and receive and need to do that cycle or pattern in order to be whole and healthy. We cannot just give.

It sounds like what you are receiving is not enough for you and you do not see a means of improving that; I would talk to your girlfriend about where the relationship is going or can go and where you each would like it to go; it takes two, both sides to love, to give and receive.