The past two days, it seemed like I was doing better. Yesterday I had no mixed states, very little cycling and very little mania. Today, however--holy crap. Cycling like crazy, mixed state all day and sooo irritable and argumentive at times. I think I have PMS so I'm sure that's contributing but still.....not fun.

I also get thrown into depression by a discussion with my husband. A guy apparantly started having horrible hallucinations, thought two girls he didn't know and his girlfriend were monsters who were after him and shot them. My husband is reading it and goes, "These mentally handicapped--no mentally ill but still, mentally handicapped, people should never be allowed to get their hands on guns because they do crap like this." I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. Then he said that "those people" are too dangerous to have weapons. I was absolutely shocked. Then I asked him if he thinks mentally ill people are destined to spend their lives locked up and he said maybe, but he thought I was a ways from that.

I was so depressed the rest of the day. My husband is one person who never viewed me as one of "those" people or ever talked about mentally ill people like that. Now I'm regretting telling him I've been having some hallucinations (more have occured--that's for another post) and has never indicated that he thinks I might eventually be "locked up" for good. I'm just so, so, so hurt. He told me he was sorry and that he didn't mean it that way. He said he just didn't think about my own illness when he said it.

I really hate the way people view the mentally ill. I wish they realized that only a very small percentage do the things you read about in the news. I especially wish my husband didn't have to take that attitude.