These are the best, best, best opportunities to heal in therapy. AND the hardest things we have to do. Why do the most healing things have to be the hardest? It's maddening!

My guess is that this mirrors your day to day life...that it's more comfortable to just run away/isolate/shut down/etc than to ask for something that you need and deserve. I know that was SO true for me when I came to therapy. I had made it through over 30 years of life without having to ask for anything, and I didn't want to start now!

But therapy does this to us. It makes us aware of these deep needs, desires, and wishes. And at some point, it's more painful to NOT ask than to ask...maybe just 1/100th of a percent less painful, but enough for us to feel that push.

Learning to ask T for things I needed was one of the hardest and best things that I've done in therapy. It was really REALLY grueling to make myself learn to do it, and the first few times I heard "no", I was so filled with shame and anger at myself for taking that risk...but I survived, and eventually, I would ask for something else. And probably 90% of the time, I get what I need. And 100% of the time, I don't get shamed or punished by T. He always listens so care-fully and responds so gently. And it's okay.

And now that I've practiced for all of these years with T, I'm getting better at noticing my needs (something I had no idea how to do before) AND asking for help when I need to in the world outside of therapy. And it makes life better. It connects me more to other people. I get some of my needs met. I don't feel all alone.

You can do this. And you can post here for support every day until your session if you need to
to you!