the last few days have been ok. I find myself worrying about what people are thinking about me as my ex's smear campaign continues. He is extremely manipulative and has already recruited people to "his side". I am not saying anything to anyone.

A few things that he has said makes me want to go to where he is doing this and confront him as he is COMPLETELY misrepresenting what has happened here! I know that this is what he wants. As I have changed my phone number and he has no way of knowing what I am doing or where I am. I have been through this so many times before. I cave, I go to him, he sweet talks, manipulates me and I go back. I ALLOW it! I don't know what it is about him. I just can't resist. Doesn't that sound ridiculous?! It does to me! I also have this foolish need to understand "why" he is doing this (I already know why - to control me) and to try to "explain" to him what all of this is doing. I have to remind myself that he does not have the capacity to see his behavior as he is painting himself to be the victim. I have to abandon these ideas!

I refuse to give in! I made a choice to end the cycle of abuse and have a better life. I have to work on my low self-esteem. Let's face it, that's what got me in this predicament in the first place. So I have to figure out why I care so much about what others think of me. And why the heck do I need validation from a man who only wants to dominate, control and abuse me. I know that a few of you posted to my initial introduction, that you had similar experiences with ex's. How are you doing with this? What did you find that helped you?