beauflow  i forgot one thing so doubledipping... 
it's suggested by professionals that the age we begin to abuse drugs or alcohol stunts our emotional growth. meaning say i started at 14. my emotional growth would be curtailed at 14 even tho-i wish  -i might be 30.
can't tell you how many ppl i know who get clean/sober have this phenomenon. i recall thinking in early sobriety oh darn i've got to grow up to be able to stay sober. i didn't know if i could do it!!
my post here may be off topic, idk, but thought i'd share that info in case it may help.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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