I so feel for you - I SI have sui thoughts and really struggle with self esteem, depression and anxiety. I am on my own with this IRL, no-one knows and those I have tried to tell prefer not to know. So I know how hard it is.

At one point I got so low, that I knew things were pretty desperate for me and so I sought the support of a T. That is such hard work, to really look at oneself, to stop blaming life for how we feel, to learn to accept the feelings as "my" feelings and not the fault of everyone else. Sometimes I get it wrong (I shared the e-mail incident at work - it was my anxiety that had triggered my defensiveness at that point and made me react to the situation).

Happycheeks I have read time and time again on here how people support you, care about you. People have wished you happy birthday, re-accepted your friendship requests and forgiven your posts which have been negative towards us. I know people on here care about you, that you matter, but you just don't seem to be able to hear them.