For me it is that split between rational and irrational - I have learned to trust my T competely in my head - I can almost hear his soothing voice, how it would sound if I was crying and maybe for the first time he would reach out and even hold my hand or touch my shoulder - how caring, how acknowledging / validating - BUT how totally terrifying - I too can see him mocking, ignoring me, sighing, telling me to pull myself together - guess this is transference?