Maybe your doc could add an additional drug instead of upping the seraquil? I have a problem with going manic on too much anti-depressant, and we found that using two anti-depressants gets me a better result. I think you definitely need to see your doc, tho, as your post sounds kind of manic. Grand thoughts that you can't follow through on, mind going a million miles an hour and in all directions sound like warning signs.

I'm really sorry about your brother! The grief is strongest in the beginning, and usually lessens as time goes by. At least, it did for me, when I lost my parents. The first year was the worst. Every new event/holiday that they weren't there for just made me feel awful.

I didn't want to celebrate my birthday either the year Mom died, because her birthday is three days after mine, and my griefed logic decided that if I didn't have my birthday, then hers wouldn't come, and I wouldn't have to feel all that pain. It didn't work out that way, tho, her birthday came anyway. Mine, too, was about 3 weeks after Mom died. I can't say you should throw a bash anyway, but I would recommend a small acknowledgement to the fact that it is your birthday. That worked well for me both times.

Meanwhile, hang in there, let your kids help you heal with their smiles and love, and I promise, the grief will get better as time passes.