I cant tell you why your mom is the way she is. we are not supposed to make diagnostic answers like trying to figure out each others family past that affects the present. doing that kind of thing is called diagnosing and practicing therapy upon PC members.

what I can tell you is that i come from a large family. sometimes my mom would hold on tight to one or another of us. be overly guarded with that son or daughter, not let that son or daughter have their time to branch out and be their own person, do things for their self.

one night I noticed my mother was going to do something one of us didnt want her to do with them. that family member was a teen ager and capable of doing this all on their own. I got the bright idea of asking my mom why was she treating this one like a child? my parents reply was the same as your moms.. because they never tell me everything. I said mom teens never tell their parents everything anyway. look at the rest of us, we didnt always tell you everything. she said my point exactly its embarrassing to be a parent and someone else has to tell me what my kids are up to and who needs this and who needs that and which one is doing that wrong, Im not making that mistake anymore. there was no talking this out with mom. her decision was made.

I went back to my sister and told her no can do, moms along for the ride until you start letting her in..before she will give you any freedom to make decisions on your own and do these things on your own you will need to show her, not just tell her that you are now old enough to do it.

the next time my sister needed to do something happened to be a doctors appointment for some girl monthly problems. no teen age girl where Im from wants their mom along for that stuff, that kind of stuff just isnt talked about.

my sister came home from school and in front of the whole family said - mom Im having trouble with the curse can I call Dr. Brown and make an appointment.

my brothers all giggled, my dad left the room embarrassed, the rest of us sat around watching moms reaction..

mom said yes.

my sister picked up the phone and talked with Dr. Brown (a male and only doctor in our town) giving him a detailed description of the problem, answered his questions, and asked another sister for paper to write on, she wrote out what Dr. Brown told her. then when she got off the phone told my mom in detail what Dr. Brown said.

my moms reaction - a very red face due to the topic of discussion and says looks like you have everything under control would you like me to go with you to the appointment?

my sister bursting with pride and excitement over finally being treated like the teen she was, said no I think I have this one thanks for the offer. how about if I call you if he needs to talk to you?

my mom said "sounds like a plan to me"

from that day on my sister was honored with the responsibility of making her own doctor appointments and attending them because my mom was reassured by seeing my sister was now old enough to do it.

unfortunately with some parents the right to being treated like your age and like you can do things like this has to be earned, you may have to do the same thing.. let your mother in, and actually show her you are a responsible capable teen who can handle making your own decisions.