Lately in therapy and in life I've been making so much progress. I wasn't snapping at people! I was still kinda sad inside, but I could laugh and enjoy stuff! I was open and willing to talk to my T! But then I screwed up. I snapped at my mom and caused this whole series of events to occur, which ended up with me being super upset and my dad screaming at me and blaming everything on me. My parents don't know that I have BPII. They just know I have some mood disorder and I'm depressed. My dad is blaming me for all my families problems and a lot of it is true. I already feel bad enough for what I said to cause so many problems. I hate myself for not being able to control myself and catch myself before stuff happens. I should be able to!!!!

I'm also scared to death to even talk to my T tomorrow I know that's bad because if I was gonna talk to anyone, she would probs be the best person. I haven't talked to anyone about what happened this week or how upset and pissed I am. I've actually been doing ok with everything lately and then I screw up! It seems like when things are going well, I am just waiting for the ball to drop! I'm waiting for me to screw up and take ten steps back. My T is gonna be so disappointed in me and want to know every little detail of what happened and how I felt, but just like so many other things, I don't wanna go back through it.

Idk why I wrote all this out...I guess I just needed to let someone know how I feel. I'm just scared and have no support system. My parents are really hard on me and my friends don't really wanna talk about any of this stuff. Does anyone have any advice for someone still trying to figure stuff out? How do you stop yourself before you snap?