Hi Tenrou,

I can relate a lot to what you wrote, since I've struggled with regular relapses since I first tried to get sober in 2006.

Have you talked to your Dr. about your mood? I know for me, recovery had to include getting mental health concerns addressed. With proper meds, when I'm not depressed it's a lot easier for me to stay sober.

Which is not to say it's easy. I have to work at staying sober every day, because my natural instinct is to want to drink. Bored - drink. Happy - drink. Sad - Drink, you get the picture.

I've had to learn a whole new way of living one that doesn't involve alcohol. Boredom was big for me, so I took up some new hobbies that require concentration that I enjoy. Can't drink and do those, and I'd rather do my hobbies.

AA is a big part of my recovery right now, and has been for some time. You said you went and worked the program in the past and it helped, why not give it another shot. But remember AA is about alcohol - it is not about mental health, you need a Dr. for that. Seriously the Big Book even talks about psychiatrists sometimes being necessary.

Finally a big piece that i'm working on now, is learning how to handle my emotions and tolerate distress which I suck at. I'm enrolled in a Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) programme that's all about regulating your emotions, and being able to handle negative emotions without resorting to negative coping strategies.

I often say I'm not the poster child for recovery, about the only thing I consistently do right is after a relapse, I come back and start over.

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