Here and doing well.

Not sure how old your step son is and how long you've been his dad, but I adopted a teenaged boy at the age of almost 13. We had a lot of conflict too. Partly I think it's because I took over the "mom" role kind of late, after he'd really had no mom because his bio mom was so incompetent and then he'd been in a series of foster homes.

I had a friend, though, who made this analogy and later his therapist confirmed it. My friend said that she'd noticed that when a bf was getting ready to break up with her, he'd start picking lots of fights. She'd noticed this with more than one bf, and her thinking was that it's easier to leave someone who's angry and unpleasant. So if you make the other person angry and unpleasant by picking fights, you won't be as uncomfortable when you separate. She saw a parallel in what my son was doing as he reached the age of leaving home. She speculated that he was subconsciously trying to make me angry so it wouldn't hurt so much to separate.

I don't know how old your step son is or the specifics of your troubles with him, but if he's nearing the age of leaving home - or even if he's had other "dads" who eventually left him - he may not want to get too close for fear of being hurt (again).