Roll call

here today and fairing

I'm here and in a much better mood. It's the first really good day I've had this week. No nervousness. No stress. No exhaustion.

bad migrain this morn... have to work...yuk

I'm alright today. I like to post on facebook, also. I had a good discourse with someone I knew from k-12 years. It was political in its content. I was polite. So was she. It was a productive discourse. Some people on facebook seem like bullies. They concern me a bit. It is scary when I feel someone hates me. Even if it is on a computer screen.

Here today.

Tired, because my son woke me this morning - on one of the two mornings I can sleep in. Grrr!!!

Also there's something wrong with the space bar on my keyboard. I have to push down hard to make a space. Double grrrrr!!!!!

Other than that I'm good.

I'm alright today. I feel tired, though. I was up early today.

My thoughts are, I don't know, hole where my heart was, I guess.

I love my family.

here and accounted for

There is evil all around it trys so hard to take me where i do not want to go

to follow good is the goal,
to keep good in the heart and not listen to the evil of this world is so hard at times

but i know whom i have believed in and he is able
to take that which i have given unto him untill that day

I didn't sleep that great but I slept a few hours anyway. I feel sad. I feel rejected by many people whom I admired. I'll go to religious services later this morning. That helps me think hopefull thoughts, or at least, slow down hurtful thoughts some. The people at the religious services are friendly, sometimes they say unexplainable phrases, but I do that often also. It is sunny. It is slightly cold. I worry about humankinds future on earth, as usual. I'm not sure humans have a pleasant future ahead in time, 20 years + or so, in time, I'd guess. Maybe sooner is a reasonable prediction also, I believe.

I think the better I am able to see myself and the world for what they are, and reject what they are not, the better my chances of surviving this daycare reality I'm in and surviving the collapse of modern civilization, which I believe is approaching at a steady rate and close.

Still I pray, "this is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"

omein...

Here and doing ok.

Slept well but not long. 6 hours? Still, feeling refreshed right now.

My little niece messaged me on facebook a couple of days ago and invited herself along to hang out with me and my mom today. I said ok, but now I wish I hadn't. If she comes, probably her brother will too. I love my niece and nephew, but they're difficult to be around for long times because they don't mind. Oh, well, best not stress myself out in advance.

Here, just about.

I felt a bit sad this morning when I woke up. It faded. I think it will be a good day.

I'm here on a snowy day.

Here today and having my perrenial crisis about how much I hate my job and how I need to find something different to do. Guess it's time to work on that in earnest.

Hey.....

here

"this is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it..."

That starts my day well.

Here and feeling good.

Getting enough sleep and not feeling too stressed (except I'm a little creeped out by some stuff going on a work - feels like there's something bad afoot, but maybe I'm imagining it).

It's like my son and I are on some kind of loop. One of us gets a little off-center. Maybe I get too tired or he gets too stressed, for example, and we feed off each other in a negative cycle. My fatigue feeds into his stress which feeds back into my fatigue until we're both sinking.

Hope you can find an even keel, Costello.

I'm here, feeling a bit blank, but that's okay. My son is away for a few days revising up at Grandad's so we don't wind each other up too much in exam season. I was planning on joining a gym, but can't figure out if I can afford it or not, and if I'd have the energy to attend.

Glad you're here, mgran. I've missed you the last couple of days. Hope you can afford the class. About energy, here's my insight: there have been a few nights when I didn't think I had enough energy to attend my swimming class, but I went anyway and the class itself was energizing. I haven't regretted a single time when I had to "force" myself to go.

I'm here, and doing really well lately. I've been helping some people with their computers and various needs. Not earning much from it, but it has been a good test of my concentration and trouble shooting ability. I feel really encouraged by it.
I've been watching what I eat, and have lost 9kg since I stopped taking neuroleptics last year. Now I need to get my butt into a gym and get my exercise up to the next level - cardio fitness. Hopefully that will help get my neurons into better shape too, and improve my resilience.
My wife is taking strain in her job, and now it is my turn to be there for her.

I NEVER KNEW THIS!!! INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT!! A WARNING TO US ALL!!! YOU NEED TO READ THIS. DON'T DELETE IT BEFORE READING! I HAVE JUST RECEIVED THIS WARNING!
Shampoo Warning : I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning : "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY." No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads : "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE." Problem solved! If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!

lol angel!

Went to new pdoc today. It's the second time I've met with her. I asked her if she was a good guy or a bad guy because I don't know her very well or for very long as I did with my last pdoc. I said it took a long time to get a rapport with my old pdoc and am not sure where she is coming from and whether she will hurt me or help me. She said that my thinking is the way I view people. I then had to ask her if it was symptoms of paranoia and she said yes. I said I hope I didn't offend her of which she said I didn't, but I don't know.

I think that with our first session she immediately wanted to increase my meds and being so, I viewed that as her being a bad guy. But after having told her what I thought and have purged my mind of those thoughts, perhaps my T is right that my new pdoc isn't a bad guy and is there to help me and not hurt me. But now I feel like crap that I told her what I was thinking about her and that I let my paranoia get the best of me. I thought about writing a letter to her to explain my thought process but am actually wary because my last pdoc put a letter I wrote to him in my folder. So now I have to wait 6 weeks to the next time I see her for me to address this again. Ugh.

Work went well. Dinner is cooking. We are having ToFu and rice. I'll post online and watch TV then hit bed. I feel OK.

I'm so-so today. I'm depressed about my step-son. I wish he saw me as a good guy.