You know, I'm unsure if bringing up painful images and memories is sadistic or if it's more like part of you is trying to work through WHY these things occurred. I think that the reason is more of the latter of the two options.

I frequently find myself doing the same thing with events that occurred many years ago. My T frequently reminds me that I'm in a completely different frame of mind now, as an adult, as I was then. I was innocent as a child. Dark, sick thoughts and actions don't just pop into little kids heads. Those things are taught to us. And that is what we must accept.