Anger and Joy

Not used to posting threads like these really,,but have been wondering about this for quite some time.
It's like there is this 'part' that is in need of showing 'painful' pictures in the mind and meanwhile secretly seems to enjoy them.
Sometimes it feels like am actually forcing that 'part' to become stronger, as if wanting to see those pictures too..
just can't really understand why deliberately wanting to hurt the self that way...would that make a sadist...?
Anyone here who has something like that?

Glad this forum exists anyhow/

You know, I'm unsure if bringing up painful images and memories is sadistic or if it's more like part of you is trying to work through WHY these things occurred. I think that the reason is more of the latter of the two options.

I frequently find myself doing the same thing with events that occurred many years ago. My T frequently reminds me that I'm in a completely different frame of mind now, as an adult, as I was then. I was innocent as a child. Dark, sick thoughts and actions don't just pop into little kids heads. Those things are taught to us. And that is what we must accept.

If you think about problems versus good times and pain versus feeling okay/normal; it is the extreme that has the real emotional feeling sense. One can only learn by making mistakes because when you are doing things well, there's nothing there to grab hold of or get a message from. Enjoyment is its own reward but problems give us something to see, feel, work with. I think pain might be like that; we look for ways to deal with the pain or get away from it, etc. it absorbs us whereas when we're feeling okay, having a normal day, it can feel kind of boring, if you think about it?

Hey Strange

I've noticed this tendency in myself as well. I think sometimes pain, even though it does hurt, is somehow comfortable to me because it's familiar. It gives me a built in excuse to stop trying to improve as well, because what's the point if I'm just going to feel bad again? Self-sabotage maybe.

Have you heard of anger addiction? Some people get a rush from feeling angry, it gives them a sense of power and validation that they might be missing. It feels good to feel right, I suppose.

Just my thoughts
Spyder