Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
Think of the past and what has happened -- you have left. . .and then returned. Why would this situation not play out like that?
Being disappointed that you ask for something and did not get it and then terminating (how I see it) looks a little like trying to "punish" your therapist for not going above and beyond and being something he may not wish to be. Therapy is about you, not him; you are the one trying to change the way you live your life? We try to push the therapist and they don't budge and we declare a "rupture" and ourselves hurt by the therapist. The therapist is not an "object" we move around on our own personal therapy boards?
Our emotions are always ours, not the other person's, not caused by the other person either, but by our own thoughts, memories, and experiences from inside us.
You have always returned. Has your therapist been there when you did? Has he ever left?
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I do see your point, Perna. It is my current struggle now. The confusion in my mind if this is the child part of me throwing a temper tantrum and wanting to punish my T OR the adult (healthy) part of me saying, ENOUGH.
Understand, I had just returned to therapy when I was blind-sided with the latest disappintment/rupture. It did hurt. Trust is difficult. A part of me does believe this is T's responsibility. I pay him to, hopefully, be a safe place for me. In the last three ruptures, his choices have not created a safe space. (Of course, my past plays a LARGE part, too!) Because of this, a part of me does have thoughts like, "T you contributed to this mess, now help me fix it!" Instead, I feel I am left with it for weeks at a time.
I didn't "push" my therapist to share my personal email with his staff. Nor did I "push" him to "project" his feelings onto me. I also did not "push" him in the latest rupture, but I think I understand what you are saying. Maybe?
I know my therapy is about me, and not about T. It's just that I was told to ask for what I need. I ask, and then often are told no, ignored or the need isn't met and I do feel devalued. I rarely ever ask for anything. When I entered therapy, I didn't even know I had needs. To expect me to understand this is like trying to squeeze a square peg through a circle.
I HAVE always returned, I do believe it was the right thing to do, try and work through it all. I didn't want to ever leave a T having any regrets. Now, I have regrets. I wish I would have never asked.
Yes, he has always been there. I have only left once after the "projection" incident, but we have discussed the possibility many times.