New to the forum. I served during the so called "cold war" and was on a humanitarian TDY to Central American country. We were at a village helping some wounded villagers ( there were landmines placed in the filed where the villagers kept their animals and the children would play). A teenage girl had stepped on one of the mines and and many villagers and their animals were killed or wounded. While I was dealing with the horror and stench of the wounded in the church( center of the village) I heard the rest of the squad yelling stop, halt etc. Next there was sounds of M16, Ak47s and civilian weapons going off. Running out of the church I saw that village was being overran by a group of 16 men. As a medic I never thought I would be in a firefight. The next day I was told to pack cause I was being sent back to to my home base. There was never a debriefing, we weren't allowed to talk on our return trip to the base camp. I was left to sit by myself in the country's airport for 6 hours waiting for my commercial flight to go back to the states. This was the time I started having problems with crowds and feelings of panic when ever I'm among a crowd, no matter where. Don't like malls, don't go to the movies, Christmas shop using the internet.
A month later Grenada happened. I often feel like we were set up. To this day I still have nightmares ( I can hear the animals and children screaming and wailing in agony). If I cook meat I'm taken back to that village and will usually becoming violently sick.

I also faced an attempted rape and break in at my apartment by a military co-worker. I wanted to press chargers but, the commander wouldn't go for it. I had asked for a transfer but it was turned down. For 2 years I had to work side by side with my attacker. Needless to say it was 2 years of a living hell.

Served as a Reservist medic during Desert Storm. I had just gotten out active service 4 months before Desert Storm. So action during that brief time also.

So that is my military story. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and am going through counseling at the VA. I'm hoping this forum will help me deal with the anger (rage), nightmares, flashbacks and all the other fun stuff that comes with PTSD. Does anyone feel like they have been betrayed by their branch of service?

Do other's have problems with feeling like you don 't fit in and can function in the civilian world? I get so frustrated with my co-workers and their work ethic and their mindless bickering and "important" conversations and problems.

Sorry for the rambling and the jumping from topic to topic. Today seems to be one of those days when all I want to do is hid from the world, just me and the two dogs. Thank God for my dogs.