Well session started interesting as I ended up settling for a room on the first floor versus our normal room. This room was significantly smaller which I was not a fan of, thankfully it had a window. Due to my knee I ended up deciding to sit on the floor as this was most comfortable. T originally was gonna sit in a chair but then asked if I minded her sitting on the floor with me, I told her it didn't matter. It was a bit strange though having her so close to me.

I'm not sure if it was as a result of stopdog's recent thread on being adversarial or if I was just more aware of it, but I seemed to have the need to challeneged everything T said today, more so than usual. At one point after a lot of back and forth T said something and I didn't immediately respond. She actually seemed to goat me on by saying "Come on I want to hear it, go ahead and challenge me". Of course I did. I think with T being accepting of all my criticism of her statements made the session a lot more productive as I was better able to understand what she was saying, even if I didn't necessarily agree with her.

The other stuggle I seemed to run into yesterday was the issue of understanding something intellectually but not being able to actually apply it or use it practically in IRL. For example, I understand fighting and engaging with my parents when they are not in the right frame of mind "i.e. intoxicated" will never lead to anything good. However, I still feel myself somehow being compelled to go visit them, usually with the intention of walking away if they start being ridiculous, but still getting sucked into the mess. Logically I know I probably should just not go there in the first place. T told me that logic is not enough that it the emotional aspect that is coming into play, this made me frusterated as I'm not sure what to do with it. T said it's alot harder to unlearn behaviours then to learn something new and that is just part of the human condition, but with small steps it is possible.

I realize this turned into a bit of a long post but I'm still in processing mode and just writing stuff out here seems to help.