I hit upon that point also this week. For me it was more about nurturing myself - this is gonna sound weird, but when I was in 7th grade or so - hmm, probably after I spent some time at an older cousin's during the summer, they had a backyard pool - I came home and "demanded" my own towel, to be used by just me - I hung it on my bedroom doorknob. Not any particular towel, just that no one else in the family used it. I know, you're probably going, eewwww! My dad fought against it, saying I was giving my mother more laundry work, which was bs, I was doing the laundry with her during the school year and by myself in the summer, wringer washer, line dry, and ironing EVERYTHING.
Anyway, my point is, no support for my decision to take better care of myself, my basic hygiene, in so many little ways like this; in fact, there were always big fights that left me feeling like what I was doing was wrong, and that (omg) they would abandon me for making these choices. So to take care of myself in practical, non-crazy ways (like everyone else, btw!) equals abandonment. No wonder I'm nuts. So, yeah, how DO you counter that programming, that fear? Logic? ptui! I spit on your logic! (not YOUR logic, tkdgirl, OURS: that was abandonment talking )