(((Roz))) I have been in the absolute depths lately myself. It's so hard when you are hurting like that to see any good in anything, but that doesn't mean the good is not there. blaming yourself for things that are outside your control will just make you feel worse. is there anything you feel you can make progress at and focus on that for a while? it doesn't have to be much, just something you can work on and see some results. we have to start somewhere. keep posting, you are not alone.