My situation is really complex. I am writing here, as I cannot talk about this to my family and friends.

I (sort of) have an affair with my brother-in-law. I say sort of, as we are 1000 miles physically apart living in two different continents, but in constant communication (up until now) via email. chat etc.

This got started about a year ago, when he mentioned to me about another affair he was having with a girl who is 23 years younger to him. During the course of their affair she got married to another person as well. But they have continued to carry on even after that. My brother-in-law told me about this. I helped him to see things in this case. Told him that he is actually ruining this girls life and if he really loves her (as he claimed) he should let her go. He actually took my advise and stopped the communication (as per to him) with her. But not necessarily stopped thinking/loving her.

However, in the process he gradually got me lured into an affair with him. I am also happily married and have a successful career, so is he. Truly I have nothing to complain about in my life. But, it was not possible for me to resist him. I got attracted to him. We do not actually have not any sort of physical interaction, though we chat/email about very intimate things. We keep separate accounts just to communicate with each other.

He continued to miss his former girl friend and time to time goes into moody situations. Because I love ( I think I do - but I can be wrong) him now, I cannot bare to listen to him talking about his former girl unlike before. I get paranoid when he does not come online or does not send me emails.

I decided to stop this affair. So I told him that we will stop communication. But it is really hard. I am still feeling extremely jealous and paranoid. I hacked into his Gmail account (as I knew kind of passwords he would be using) and got all photos of the former girl and her contact details, etc. (I don't know why I did it. I feel really bad about it.)

In the rage I sometimes think about making her (former) affair disclosed to her new husband. I don't want to do these revengeful things. I just want to go back to my normal life. I want to take care of my kids and family and not worry about this nonsenses. I want to concentrate on my work. But I cannot, becuase my brother-in-law is constantly on my mind.

We both are learned people (doctors). I know what I should do. I should forget about him and carry on with my life. It is easier said than done. I even know the techniques. That I should spend time with my husband and family, avoid time online, etc.. But I cannot get to do it. I am constantly checking emails from him, even though I know I will not be getting any. Because I told him not to.

More than getting replies, just writing about my problems here made me feel a bit better. But, if you have experienced something similar and have some advise for me, I would like to hear about it. Specially if you have any particular techniques that practically helped you to get out of the situation I would like to hear about it. I don't need textbook theory stuff.

Please do not reply to this message if you are here to judge me; As it is I am not feeling proud of myself. I am here for some help.

Masterplan