Yes, haier, I hear what you are saying and even what you mean by it. I can also relate to feeling like no one is hearing you, reaching out to you and you are trying so hard to find your way to that process.

Being in a group of people who are just focusing on how their lives have failed them and are dwelling on their desire to give up altogether is not really productive. The person that is running that group needs to get these people to look behind these feelings to what created these feelings to begin with. And that is what YOU want.
Yes, you need to discuss your history and the environment that you grew up in that was toxic. You already know that it effected your brother so profoundly that he just gave up, or into his feelings that there was no real way out for him. And often by allowing people to hold onto these feelings, it may prevent them from seeing that what they are feeling is normal, but they CAN get past that. And what I hear from you is that YOU BELIEVE THAT TOO. You want to progress and the group is stuck.

When I started therapy I did have a couple of set backs as well with my therapist.
I made it clear that he HAD to believe me and that if he didn't it was going to be a waste of time for both him and me. And there were some schedule problems and sometimes he forgot things I had discussed with him too. I was building a profile with him so he could truely observe my history and when he failed to remember things, I did get upset and began to wonder if he was truely going to be able to respect what I was trying to lay out for him. As soon as he showed any kind of not remembering, to me that meant he was invalidating me in some way.

The most important part of recovery work for someone with such a troubling history as well as the PTSD condition that is present, is validation. Especially for a victim of abuse because they were never truely validated. So I can't blame you for not wanting to have to focus on the discussions that just focus on the desire to give up. While it is important to let that emotion out, it is important to get behind why that emotion is presenting itself.

Haier, when I first presented with PTSD, feeling like you are describing, I was alot like you are describing you are at right now. And I did feel very far a way from other people and also felt that other people would not understand what I was experiencing. I had a hard time understanding it myself. And I will say that at first it is important to have the opportunity to talk about everything that happened in my life that I struggled with. And I relived it in a way I didn't know the brain could relive things I experienced. And after I finally experienced the emotional journey of my life that I had not realized had been saved in my brain, I finally got to a point where I could begin to see what that truely meant to me, how I managed to survive in spite of it.

I started a thread called the "PTSD toolbox" where I began to express what kind of tools I had created to find a way to survive the abuse that had taken place in my environment. And by seeing what I did manage to muster up, I also got to see what wasn't there as well. But to be honest, doing that made me realize that I had progressed. I realized the only way I could get to my own tool box, was to first discuss my past.

Haier, that is what you and your sister need to do as well. You have to lay your history, your family history all on the table including all the emotions you experienced during this time as well. You both have to be validated that this history took place as well. And then as I have been doing, you have to be able to look at it, how it effected you, and what you can both do to begin to recover from whatever is there.

For me haier, I had to put my own cards on the table but I also had to put the people around my childhood's cards on the table too. I had to see who they were and some of the whys behind them as well. This took me a while to accomplish. And during that time I was constantly struggling, even with feeling depressed, lost, and lack of a sense of any real direction in my life.

When I came to PC, I didn't go to the depression forum, I knew I was feeling depressed but I also knew I didn't want to feed into it either. I still feel it and I still don't want to feed into it. So I can truely understand why that therapy group is not helping you. And the fact that everyone in that group is so self absorbed and not really capable of validating you right now, that is no plus for you either. Because you DO need to have that happen, both you and your sister need that to take place.

Both you and your sister really need to talk, talk, talk, talk about your past. And you need someone, even a group to listen, listen, validate, listen and listen. And you also need to be comforted along the way.

Now I have seen some members here have threads where they talk and express thier fears and emotions and other members listen. There is a thread at the very top of the forums where a couple of members are sharing that way. And I have seen some of this happen in the abuse forum and PTSD forum as well. It IS helpful to be able to have a place to do this. But the best scenario is to also have a therapist that can physically be there for you as well.

You also need to be able to feel SAFE while you are doing this as well.
It doesn't sound like the group you are visiting with your sister is helping and being directed to discuss their history other then their strong feelings about not being able to handle life. Abuse victims all feel that way, but the therapy comes in by getting to the history that led up to these strong emotions. That is the kind of group you need, a better director that can get the groups to open up and talk about their backgrounds more.

All I can say is you have to be patient and continue to look for the right kind of theraputic situation that is actually going to help you get to what you need to discuss.

(((((hugs and saying I hear you)))))
Open Eyes