Good to see you Open Eyes, I missed you all, I had a computer breakdown and had to hire someone to dig my old purple Imac out of storage...every day it's something.

Well honey, I hope if you ever get to run away, it works better for you than it has for me. 9 years ago, after I had to sell my home because I couldn't work and my abusers lived across the street...talk about triggers...I moved 40 miles away up in the mountains. Solitude! Quiet!
.....can also turn into loneliness and fear. Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful, and who knows it may have saved me. But, I had TOO much time to think and started remembering EVERYTHING...60 years of abuse with NO support system around. I often went weeks with no human contact. In fact, except for the guy I hired to move my computers, etc, I haven't seen or talked to a human being in two weeks. The other day I spent all day on the computer looking up old class mates, friends....all dead. When I was 40 to 50 years of age, I went to a funeral at least once a month. The last 3 friendships I've struck up in the last 5 years are all dead. Maybe I'm not crazy!!! Maybe I'm cursed!!! LOL

Today I listed some stuff on Craig's list...trying to be productive. Bingo, right off the bat 2 responses! First one is some scammer wanting every detail of my financial and personal life, the second was some jerk who couldn't read and called me filthy names. Oh, yeah, need that crap. LOL
Being called vile, dehumanizing names has always been a trigger for me and as bad a mother as I may have been, one thing I never did was call my kids names or humiliate them.......until now, and I'm sorry, it's not right, but the're not tempermental little children anymore even if they act like it. :<)