Thank you all sooo much for the support!! I was a nervous wreck sitting in the waiting room today-I felt like I was going to throw up!! So after we did the normal hey how are ya..blah blah blah-T was like "you really freaked out about this hug issue" and he was like "Can I explain what I meant by it not being a black and white issue" and then talked about how there are few cases in which hugging is just not appropriate or therapeutic for the therapeutic relationship-based on the content of what was discussed that day-level of safety in it for both parties-if it were to trigger things in the client and causes distress-then it would not be clinically appropriate at that time-and he gave me an example. He explained that I have not said/thought/done anything that would have him take away hugs-and it is in fact the opposite-that it has been a very therapeutic element in our relationship. I started crying a little bit and he wanted to know what it was about-and I explained about the conditional stuff-and he asked if that sent me into a frantic state (obviously) and then he asked if he could be really honest with me-and talked about how the level is set very out there for taking away something like that in my specific case-he said short of grabbing me sexually-its not going to happen-and that there is nothing to be afraid of-that if it ever became unsafe for me to hug him to let him know-and he would let me know as well-but to really let it go-to not hold onto this fear. He also said that he is not dropping me-he is not going anywhere : )
Ohh-he also said-just because you sent this confession about sexual issues does not mean I don't want to stop hugging you and comforting you. We did not go too much into the confession but I know this session went exactly like it was suppose to...I'm soooo thankful for my T.
*Funny side note-I was telling him that part of this fear was from reading about pepole's T's on here that have taken it away-or dropped them-and instead of saying therapist I said "Their T's would..." and was like "opps..I mean their therapists" hehe!