yes I know how programming works though my experience with it wasnt where they were abusing me for remembering. they programmed me to harm myself when ever I was going to tell. they did it by getting me drunk then had me repeat key phrases of ways to tell, while threatened to kill me if I didnt punish myself. it wasnt long before just the thought of telling someone would activate my harming myself. I also wasnt forced to dissociate. in fact the word dissociate is a relatively new word / concept for NY, when I was a child 20-30 yrs ago there was no such word / concept in NY. though it was common back then to find children were getting drunk at family events and parties by people spiking punch, or relatives letting their children try a sip of this or that, so it didnt ring any bells when people saw me coming up from the mine shaft stumbling drunk. I havent been through any formal deprogramming process. my treatment providers and I worked our way around the programming by using contracts, inpatient hospitalization when needed for stabilization and trying to word things in ways that would not activate the self harming. slow process but it worked for me.