Busted

I can not recognize people that I have seen...I have no facial recognition ....or recognition of my surroundings....It makes people ....well they just look stunned that you have asked them who they are 3 times ...or walk up to the same person and ask the same question because you cant remember that you just saw them....I am also totally unaware of my physical surroundings...it is embarrassing.....I dont know what to do...I want to go curl up as small as I can under a soft blankie....

I'm sorry. I have the same problem and I feel the same. I am constantly having to apologize for asking names again. I am so worried that people will think I am dumb. I'll be walking down a hall I have been 20 times before and then I think . . . oh no how am I going to get out, where's the door? Or I say . . .I think I left my jacket downstairs, I should go get it, and then someone says it is on the chair behind you. It is so difficult. And I can't really tell people my problem. I would lose my job for sure. If anyone has any coping skills for these times, I would love to hear them. In the meantime, such is life, many hugs.

I just went back over your past postings. you are so strong and amazing. I noticed you already have some great coping tools for things you cant remember like somehow you became a professional and see patients. you keep their names and stuff you need to remember by keeping notes of who they are, what they are wearing and such.. this same coping tool can come in handy any time..write down on a piece of paper everyone in your life and then write down something about them that will help you to remember who they are for the next time you meet up with them.

you also said in another post that you play the "blond card" lots of people I know get by their memory problem by playing the blond card. thats so cool that you came up with doing that when you encounter people you dont remember.

another past posting says you went to Sheppard Pratt hospital for your DID problems. Suggestion keep doing what ever they told you to do when dealing with your DID symptoms. Shepard Pratt is a very well known treatment center and they know what they are doing. expensive but they have great coping tools for DID / Dissociative Symptoms.

In another past post you said your switching is smooth.. that tells me your internal system works well together.. you also said you can hear their voices and they can answer you back when you ask a question - try asking them who this person is any time you have trouble.. most if not all DID system of alters are there because the host could not handle/do something so the alters handle/do what is needed for them.. they got you through for your whole life Im surprised they dont take care of things you cant handle now. so Try asking them and see if who ever knows the person you dont remember will take over and handle that situation.

you also said a few of your alters have integrated...if these people that you dont know was the integrated alters friends it may take time but you have the information you need to recognize them and know them.. this is where your coping tool of writing can come in handy.. write out what you learn while talking with them and those memories that were your alters before integrating them may unlock for you now that they are integrated.

you said in a past posting you do EMDR.. this works for all kinds of emotions like embarrassment, anxiety.. maybe you and your treatment provider can do an EMDR session about your memory problem so that it doesnt seem so stressful, embarrassing for you.

I also noticed in one posting you stated you were on Clozoril - suggestion talk with your treatment providers. this memory problem may not be just a DID problem most anti - psychotics cause memory problems...any medication can do this for some people. maybe your meds needs adjusting or changed.. I have found this is something worth at least checking out. some of my medications cause me to not recognize people places and things. I have to keep detailed notes and write on a calendar to keep everything straight because my medications cause me to be foggy headed at times and not remember so good.

Amandalouise.....Thanks for your insight. I take 50 mg of clozaril....I used to take a lot more...now I insist with my psychiatrist that I ONLY need a little to help us think clearer. So meds aren't the cause. I am currently going through SRA deprogramming...I don't know how much you know about programming but it gets KICKED in when you start to remember they instill this programming and intentional dissociation ( I had 16 years of cult/ clergy abuse) to keep us quiet and not remember... I have been in intense tx. for about 7 mths. Yes some have been integrated. I am sure the facial recognition/ surroundings is programming because It has never ever been this severe ....I am scared to go to those memories right now...will work on it when ready......EMDR....my protectors blocked it because a lot of my programming involved hypnosis....the EMDR....triggered us. Yes I was at Sheppard Pratt for 6 weeks and did learn a lot of great coping skills. Like you before you were integrated ...I have helper parts that switch in and out to handle any and every situation... IE...driving paying bills, an x-ray tech, a medical office assistant a nurses aide , and now a cashier at a pharmacy...there are alters who's sole role is those jobs.....gosh I have so many alters I quit counting...all I know is that I am finally on my healing journey...I am with a tx who's got 20 years specializing in d.i.d and SRA survivors.

Hi such is life,
i not know it be excuse me, i did not know SRA programming is part or can be part of not being able to recognize surroundings. Panic attack is my result. Scared to ask questions too. lucky you for finding T who can help. Hugs to you .

yes I know how programming works though my experience with it wasnt where they were abusing me for remembering. they programmed me to harm myself when ever I was going to tell. they did it by getting me drunk then had me repeat key phrases of ways to tell, while threatened to kill me if I didnt punish myself. it wasnt long before just the thought of telling someone would activate my harming myself. I also wasnt forced to dissociate. in fact the word dissociate is a relatively new word / concept for NY, when I was a child 20-30 yrs ago there was no such word / concept in NY. though it was common back then to find children were getting drunk at family events and parties by people spiking punch, or relatives letting their children try a sip of this or that, so it didnt ring any bells when people saw me coming up from the mine shaft stumbling drunk. I havent been through any formal deprogramming process. my treatment providers and I worked our way around the programming by using contracts, inpatient hospitalization when needed for stabilization and trying to word things in ways that would not activate the self harming. slow process but it worked for me.

(((amandalouise))) i WAS PROGRAMMED TO SELF HARM TOO....my tx integrated the part who had the job to cut/ her name was Viki and she was programmed the slasher she would cut me when ever I felt good about myself or I felt I needed to be punished. I have not cut scene she was integrated in March. How are you doing?

with my integration the opposite happened. everything that was my alters became one with me /merged with me, which means I gained the urge to harm myself when those programmed alters integrated with me. I became much more violent where before integration it was just thoughts, after integration thoughts became actions. I still battle that war of self injury. I am at this moment stable and safe.

hmmmmm....That's weird that you wanted to self harm after integration. When Viki the slasher was intergrated she told the host that she was sorry and that it was her job to cut the body..then she was integrated. Viki was relieved of the job that she was given by the programing for her to do.I have a tx. with 20 years experience with d.i.d and satanic ritual abuse..SRA How are you doing?

I have always had a very difficult time with faces and names, so I can totally relate to this problem. It has been particularily difficult because I have held a professional job for over thirty years and during that time, if I haven't had regular and consistent contact with a person, I can NOT remember them. Even if they work in the same program or building with me. They simply vanish from my memory.

For example, if I have a professional contact required for a child I'm working with, if I haven't seen or had consistent, every week, sometimes, every day contact with that person, I don't recognize that person when they come to my office. I can go into the waiting room to meet that person and I am totally lost. I don't recognize them and even if someone points them out to me, he/she is totally unrecognizable to me. This is true even if I've met with this person many times in the past. It's very disconcerning. I can pretend to know him/her, and I've gotten quite good at ways to "fool" the person that I actually recognize them. BUt in reality, it is as if I've met them for the first time. I personally think that it is often related to the trauma a person has experienced. . . or maybe it is a genetic thing. But whatever the case, it is very troublesome.

I've read a lot about face recognition and I have learned that many of us who have emotional dysregulation, connected to trauma, have a dysfunction in our amygdela. We just DON"T recognize familair faces and we often overreact to facial expressions.

such as life...I just noticed we are off topic of the original posting about recognizing faces of those in our lives..

so how about we take this conversation about our integration's of those programmed to self injure to another thread or to pm so that those that want to continue discussing recognizing those in our lives can do so with out having to read around this separate and possibly triggering conversation, that you and I are having about our integration's.

jaybird 57...Thanks for your experience....I haven't gotten very good yet at pretending to recognize... like you it's as if I have met the person for the first time...again and again. I guess I pretend a lot. Like you I have to see a persons face over and over again. I think that this is part of my programming by the cult. Whats weird Is I am hyper sensitive to peoples feeling and moods....so some one internally is watching facial expression and reading body language. I am practicing a new technique....when I meet someone new I say their name back to them then I make a mental or post-it note about what color hair they have male /female and what they are wearing or the car they are driving ...this starting to help me.you do what you have to do when you have d.i.d

I also have the same problem with not remembering people I should. Names fly right out of my head. I will "accidentally" identify someone with someone who is completely different and standing across the room. It is troublesome for sure.

Okay!

I have a lot in common with you all. Programmed to harm myselfand very hard to remember people and where i am and where i left my purse etc...

I know what you mean...sometimes I wish I had a post it note that I could attach to my forehead. 'course then i would have to carry a mirror to read my notes...lol

I've always had a lot of trouble with remembering people, previous actions, and places as well.

Some other people of mentioned the use of the "blond card". That is one I use a lot. I'll even play up how much of a ditz I am in real life so that when something happens it will seem perfectly normal.

One trick I use that hasn't been mentioned yet is the use of "sir" and "ma'am". As a general rule I refer to anyone older than me by those terms. That way when someone pops up and I have no clue who they are it doesn't seem at all strange when I simply refer to them as "sir" or "ma'am."

I hope this helps a little.

JayBird 57.... Could you explain emotional Dysregulation plese?