Sounds like a tough spot that you're in, and I'm sorry for it.

It's strange, reading your words -- the way you describe your husband's anger and throwing things that don't work.... well.... that's something I do. Or did. I"ve managed to control it lately. I don't know if it's for the same reasons, but I get overly annoyed and I honestly feel like I can't control getting angry. There was a day one of my cats was annoying me, badly. I didn't want to hear him anymore, but being the typical loud, pushy, over-assertive male siamese, he went ahead with my dare and continued to yowl at me. I honestly wanted to pick him up and throw him, and got so far as to pick him up and then stopped. Glad I did. Instead I left the house and went for a walk, because I nearly followed through. I've followed through with remotes, cell phones, chairs, you name it. And I honestly feel that I just can't control it. I don't understand it, but I'm working on it. It's been awhile since I threw something out of anger. I threw a wine glass across the room recently. Actually, more like it threw itself. It slipped out of my hand while I was talking (and gesticulating wildly) with my hands and I'm glad the dogs were out of the way. It made an interesting Rorschach test on the fridge..... Anyways, my husband helps with this. He sees me get angry, and he'll simply leave the room. He has come to realize that if someone is watching, I just get worse. But if he leaves, it kind of triggers my mind that, hey, something's not right. Take a step back and breath. We're figuring it out, but it sucks being on the delivering end, getting into that anger, and then feeling like a complete retard after because you realize that it really wasn't worth the frustration. ANd, damn -- I just made it worse, to boot.

I think that might be part of the problem, though -- he doesn't see it as a problem, nevermind his own problem, and finds reason to place the blame. So, therefore, no reason to work on it.

Marrying someone who changes so much you don't know them anymore is harsh, painful and amazes me when people are so tolerant. The name calling is inappropriate, as well as the credit cards scenarios (not to mention illegal). You deserve to be happy, to have your own identity, your own friends, and to feel secure with not only yourself but the relationship you are in together.

No matter how you manage to do it, I hope you find a fix. It's never easy and it's definitely a long road to recovery, but hopefully you find the support you need here.