It feels like everyone is getting engaged/married except me. I know I'm at that age (27) when people get married and have kids but why not me? I got married when I was 20 and divorced at 24 and I loved being married... just not to him. I've been with my bf for over 2 years and although he says he loves me and he wants a future together, I know him and I know he's not even close to getting married. He tells me that he wants to be settled and be able to take care of himself and someone else before he gets married; I can respect that, but I make my own money and I don't need to be taken care of, I can take care of myself (and someone else if I needed to)!

I'm his first long-term relationship. His longest relationship before me was 6 months and all of his past relationships together would add up to maybe a year total and he's 29. I asked him once if we would at least be engaged by the time I was 30 and he said he couldn't promise that... we'd have been together for 5 effing years!

He's a pilot and he's really independent so he's gone half of the week. I have BPD so I don't do well with someone being gone a lot but I handle him being gone during the week pretty well. What I don't do well with is when he leaves for long periods of time. Then I feel like he loves his job more than me because it's so easy for him to leave me. He tells me he is just passionate about his job and loves it different than me but that he's wanted to do it his entire life so he's accepted being gone a lot, but that's hard on me. In an argument once he told me that the reason he avoids talking about getting married is because I don't deal with him being gone very well and that he needs someone stronger that can handle it because it's part of his life. This made me really upset because I consider myself a really strong person considering everything I've gone through and I thought I handled him being gone pretty well (just not for long periods of time).

I just feel so defeated. I really don't understand why he wants to wait so long, and sometimes if he wants to... he's a Gemini and super fickle. I also feel like if I'm sad or miss him I have to hide it from him because I'll look weak; that's not something I should have to do. He doesn't understand my disorder and that I can't help it, but I try really hard. For being bipolar and having BPD I am pretty friggin stable so when I'm not, he doesn't understand it and sometimes thinks I'm not.

I know that he's the man I want to marry for a multitude of reasons. I know he triggers me and his job doesn't help my abandonment issues but he has so many great qualities. When he's home he's really affectionate, he makes me dinner all of the time, he's a good communicator, really outgoing (he can make friends with anyone... not joking), he's amazingly handsome, and just makes me feel like I'm the only thing in the world that's important. Everyone has faults, God knows I have my own, but he accepts them and supports me through it. Please don't give input saying I should leave him because I promise you that the pros outweigh the cons.

I feel like I just need to figure out a way to be ok and accept the fact that he's just not ready to get married. I also need to figure out a way to be better when he's gone. I mean I have my friends, but I wasthey're all married or have kids, or both so I can't really hang out with them because they're busy. I spend time with my family a lot and do homework (but I graduate in 3 weeks, yay!). I'm really introverted most of the time so I don't like talking to people about how I feel because no one can really cheer me up when I'm down. Can you please tell me a way to be ok with all of this? Thanks so much all!

Sorry I wrote a novel!!!