I am not sure what you meant by being caught off guard by things.

I'm wondering if you feel rejected by your T because she had to cancel? It sounds like she is protecting her privacy, which makes it about her not about you. And since this is otherwise not a repetitive issue for her, I know it must feel disappointing but try to hang onto the fact that it is not a message about your importance or worthiness.

Having a T cancel feels like rejection when it has happened to me. You said she cancelled, then offered to reschedule. That's one way to look at it, but maybe you would feel better about it if you saw it not as a cancellation, but as a rescheduling? That what she was doing was moving the appt from one day/time to another?

I don't know whether she actually used the word "cancel" or not, but either way - she couldn't make it that day and offered another. If you had immediately taken another appt you wouldn't be in the position of now having to call for another appt. And going off the meds must be making you feel worse about it all.

Don't worry about giving her more time for whatever - YOU are the one in therapy. She knows how to take care of herself, and she knows how to ask for what she wants. When she needs time for something, she takes it - that's why she rescheduled your appt. You need to take care of yourself.

I hope you can get yourself back in there and work on YOU and your issues. Sending good thoughts your way.