maybe I'll just not go

Ever again. Between t having to cancel last week and having fully come off the anti depressant, I've been blaah all week. So I've been thinking, that maybe it's easier to just never "call" back. That way she has more time for whatever was going on and I don't have to worry about being caught off guard with things. :/

I think you should call back. I know sometimes it can be tempting to not go back, but I think you can still benefit! You can totally do it! Take us all along as pocket riders!

((((Silent)))) you are the most important part of the equation here. If your T is not available (do you know why?), and you are not feeling well, can you get a referral for another T.?

also I have a ? regarding the meds you were taking...did you taper off supervised or just stop cold turkey? I ask because stopping cold can be very dangerous.

It is important to speak with someone IRL if you've been depressed, are starting to feel "blah", and are starting to isolate. Or if you are feeling neglected or abandoned. Please do call.

I am not sure what you meant by being caught off guard by things.

Please do not give up on yourself or your full recovery. And keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Rose

I know this is me just trying to run away, I'm really an expert at flighting out of the flight out fight response.

This is the first time she's ever had to cancel an session in the 7 ish months I've been seeing her. She didn't give details as to why just said something unexpected came up and unfortunately couldn't make it. Offered to reschedule but I never said anything to follow through on that.

I was taking the meds to help with anxiety but I never felt they were working that well. In fact I thought they were making me depressed, where depression had never been a big issue for me. I'm horribly horribly anxious speaking to doctors and want able to get my feeling of it not working across to either if the two doctors I saw (these were gp not pdocs). The first one -the doc on college campus- seemed really big on the Lexapro specifically. The second one didn't seem big on meds at all. I didn't stop cold turkey, I did taper down very very slowly.

Thanks for responding! i have a clearer picture now. I understand so well the f/f response completely and am actually working on that with my T. I echo ((((Autumn)))) lovely post and and also really encourage you to call! You can do it it"s a great opportunity in steps to beat this thing!
kind regards,
Rose

There will be other things to catch you off guard. It was much better for me to go to therapy and learn how not to worry about worrying about being caught off guard.

Working on figuring out how NOT to do this has been the #1 most healing thing I have learned in therapy.

Go back. You can do it. You're strong - prove it to yourself.

You've gotten really smart advice by others in this thread. I would add only that having once terminated therapy on the flimsiest of excuses, I have asked myself whether THIS (whatever is bothering me) is how I want to end therapy. So my recc to to find you "ordinary courage" (Brene Brown) and make another appointment.

I'm wondering if you feel rejected by your T because she had to cancel? It sounds like she is protecting her privacy, which makes it about her not about you. And since this is otherwise not a repetitive issue for her, I know it must feel disappointing but try to hang onto the fact that it is not a message about your importance or worthiness.

Having a T cancel feels like rejection when it has happened to me. You said she cancelled, then offered to reschedule. That's one way to look at it, but maybe you would feel better about it if you saw it not as a cancellation, but as a rescheduling? That what she was doing was moving the appt from one day/time to another?

I don't know whether she actually used the word "cancel" or not, but either way - she couldn't make it that day and offered another. If you had immediately taken another appt you wouldn't be in the position of now having to call for another appt. And going off the meds must be making you feel worse about it all.

Don't worry about giving her more time for whatever - YOU are the one in therapy. She knows how to take care of herself, and she knows how to ask for what she wants. When she needs time for something, she takes it - that's why she rescheduled your appt. You need to take care of yourself.

I hope you can get yourself back in there and work on YOU and your issues. Sending good thoughts your way.

I like plans, organization, to do lists, calendars. T appointment was in the calendar...then it had to be removed. It just unsettles me more than I like

Yes I do feel rejected, and so I'm probably trying to beat her to it. Reject her before she has a chance to reject me kwim? I have no problem that I don't know why she cancelled it, logically I'm sure it was a a sufficient reason and I don't feel the need to know about her life emergencies.

Hmm reschedule...OR maybe she said reschedule because she knew I'd be too chicken poop to figure out how to reschedule.

I know I'm essentially sitting on the floor with my fingers in my ears going "blah blah blah lalalala I can't hear you". Logical silent is on vacation.

So I got ready to send an email to book an appointment for this week despite my reluctance. Something crazy happened at work and I decided I could use that as my reasoning for going. But then when I opened the new message, I worried that maybe she'll be disappointed. Maybe SHE was hoping I would just never go back. And if there's something I'm good at it's avoiding situations where I could disappoint someone....

Stop running. Make your appointment. Get back in the saddle.

Slumps and hangs head....o.kaaaay

Her job is to help people. She is not hoping that you won't come back. She has a vested interest in you.

Ok I booked a Thursday session. She apologized again for having to cancel. .....sigh my brain can be so frustrating

Good job.

Nice work.

((((((Hugs)))) Good job!