just in case it is all totally linked to depression-and I am serious when I say this-do you have a library? honestly, if you go there and open up books you would never have even thought of reading before, you might find something truly inspiring! yes, you will look at lots of stuff that is not interesting to you, but when you find something that speaks to you it might lift you up out of where you are now. that happens to me all the time. it really, really helps. just my two cents worth, but I wish you luck. and, show your dad some love too. (I'm a parent so I know it would mean the world to him)