Trigger for mention of CSA...
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
Could you or would you describe how it is useful to you? What does it do for you to have them validated by someone else? I am not criticizing here - I just do not understand. I understand how me validating me is useful, but not how someone else, certainly not some therapist, helps.
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I second guess myself all.the.time. When I was growing up, almost every reaction I had to things was termed an "overreaction." I learned that I really couldn't trust my own perceptions of my emotions or my reactions to things that happened.
Having T empathize with me and validate what I say helps me to understand when what I'm feeling is actually appropriate. If I'm feeling something irrational, he'll empathize (e.g., I can see how you would feel that way) and then immediately point out other ways it can be viewed. His empathy lets me know that feeling the way I do isn't crazy. May not be perfectly logical to someone who hasn't had my experience, but it's logical in my case.
For example, when I told T about my CSA, one of the things I was concerned about was whether I had made a bigger deal out of it than it really was. When I was finally able to tell him exactly what happened and he validated my perceptions (actually, he thinks it's even bigger than I had let on), it made me feel like I wasn't being a drama queen.
All of what he does in this area is building toward having me validate me be enough. It hasn't been so far, since I couldn't trust my own perceptions.