Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
why can't you just email her the list of steps? I mean, how long does it get? things i've seen online, are like 4 separate blocks of 5 instructions, depending on your results. so maybe 20 lines total. more practical than emailing back and forth step by step.
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I did that last time with the iPod and that didn't work. Then again, she defined the problem wrong, so H and I were trying to fix a problem she didn't actually have. She is
really bad with technology. When I was helping her in person yesterday she looked like a deer in the headlights. I called her a Luddite awhile back and she didn't even know what that meant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
It's up to your T to decide if she's going to email you outside of her work day or not. It could be that offering to fix her iPod was not a therapeutically good idea. Again, I see you focusing on stuff that's not therapy. Just like me.  |
That's true, but I also am learning from the whole thing. I still believe (it's one of the strongest beliefs I hold) that everything happens for a purpose. I am learning where some of my triggers are and what I look for in a "mother figure". No matter how this thing turns out, it's grist for the mill.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freefall1974
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Or perhaps direct her to the closest Apple store ( if one is available) or the website of an online resource. Then she can do it at her leisure and there will be no back and forth and no ?ing of boundaries. You need to protect yourself in this also, and it sounds like this is causing you some anxiety. You could remove yourself from the situation and go have some fun. Good luck! |
Thanks for this, but we don't have an Apple store within 100 miles of where I live. If the problem were as simple as looking it up, I could've helped her yesterday. Some components are missing from the iPad that shouldn't be. I don't know what she did, but like her colleague told her, "Your iPad doesn't even look right."
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemountains
I didn't reply yesterday, Chopin, because I wasn't quite sure what to think of your interaction with your t. Today, I will have to agree that you may need to define boundaries once again. I know that you discussed the past and how your t handled you a few months ago. I remember many of the details from posts. Now your relationship has matured into something you don't know how to define, so if I was in your situation I would ask t to set boundaries again.
As for the computer issue, it is very kind of you and your husband to try to help. Did you think of directing her to youtube? I always am able to find a solution to any technical problem I have.
Bluemountains
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I'm probably going to have to have a boundaries discussion next session. Youtube will not help this woman. So whether it's me and H or someone else, she will have to be walked through it. I don't know if she will even "get it" through our instructions since we're not standing there with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl
I think her answering only with technical questions about the computer means she's just wanting info about the computer. She's a big girl. If she has further questions for you husband about the computer, she'll email about them when she can. If she doesn't get around to it today, that is her problem. I suspect if she gets home tonight and needs your husband's help with her computer, she'll email those questions.
I don't see this as anything to do with you and boundaries quite honestly. Email the instructions and let it be. If she needs more input, she can email those questions. No need to ask her about boundaries concerning this as you have no need to email her after hours about this unless she emails a question to you first.
Don't continue to email her about this. She'll contact you if she needs to about the computer.
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I agree with rainbow below. It does make logical sense...and the tech issue in and of itself may not be about boundaries at all. I was simply being nice by offering; I really didn't expect her to accept the help, and after 20 minutes of working on it,
really didn't expect her to say yes to me going to my car and getting my own iPad. I also expected it to be a cut-and-dry problem and it was far from it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Just another thought. If my T had a problem I or my H could solve, I would JUMP at the chance. She has asked me something I know more about than she does, a couple of times, and I told her the answer, but that was a simple question. Still, I would jump at the chance because it would be something I shared with T, and maybe no one else did. I'd be more in her life. I would be happy, but it wouldn't help me in the long run.
I don't know if this relates to your situation or not, Chopin. I'm writing it, knowing intellectually, but still crying inside about my own relationship with my T.
farmergirl, your answer makes perfect logical sense except to someone like me and maybe Chopin.
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Of course I jumped. One, like I said above, I didn't actually expect her to take me up on the help. Two, I expected her to decline further help.
I will simply email once more with the next set of instructions. I will tell her I asked the question because I was trying to be respectful of her boundaries. Then I will let it be. Thanks everyone for your input.
