I'm glad that Jerry is safely on his way out, although I would understand if you felt conflicted about it. For the part of you that might be sad, I want to give you a hug ((( Tomi )))

Regarding your DIL and John, I don't think that it's true that we enable you. However, this is an extremely sensitive subject for you, and most people would be likely to lash out in defensiveness when they are feeling hurt and rejected. I and several others have tried to guess at what your DIL's perspective might be, realizing that conflict doesn't usually occur based on one person and one person alone. But, when you have lashed out at my feedback in the past, it has made me reluctant to hurt you even further by being open and direct with you about this particular subject.

Sept, you are a very strong and opinionated woman. That is a terrific characteristic about you. You are fiercely protective and caring of your children, which is very understandable. Normally, you are great about accepting constructive criticism, but when it comes to your kids, I think you have a difficult time when your friends offer it. So, here is my advice. When you feel anger rising after you've perceived criticism of you as a mother or grandmother, maybe stop and breathe for a day or two before reacting. Then, ask your friends for their honest opinion, and promise them that you won't bite their heads off for giving it to you. If the people who know you well disagree with you, then that's a sign that you should consider putting the anger away and find a way to let go of a conviction.

That is my best advice, after knowing you for 3 years on an almost daily basis.

I do realize that you're basically doing what I am suggestion already, just by starting this thread. This is a good sign that you're maybe ready to say "life is too short to have bad relationships with family". Are your son and grandkids worth being silent when you disagree with your DIL? It sounds to me as though you might think so.

I see so much pain in your posts about John, and having lost a stepson during my divorce 8 years ago, I know that the pain of being rejected by your child is a wound that just never heals. If I feel that way about my stepson, I know that your pain has to be a bazillion times worse.

Anyway, I hope you find peace and resolution with John. ((( Sept )))

Love,
LMo