i feel like i want to talk to my t as well but i know it would never be "one last time" i hate that i can't talk to him. i don't know if it helps that it wasn't his choice or mine for us to part.

the thing is that you need to deal with the loss and if you keep the door open you never will. i think that's the whole point of no contact after termination. you will deal with other losses in life and this is an opportunity for you to learn to deal. to see that you will come through it no matter how painful.

i know that things with your T weren't always smooth. have you considered just getting a new T, especially as you don't feel like you were done with therapy.