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  #1  
Old Jul 30, 2012, 08:20 PM
Anonymous32765
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So last week was my last session with T. We had a really lovely ending session after everything that happened between us lately(things were a little rocky) but we ended it well. I hadn't seen her since I sent her that email almost a month ago declaring my love for her and she was soooo great about it (i wish she wasn't cos now I miss her. She never said anything about no contact or never seeing her again, because I feel I still have much work to do on myself- I am still severely depressed and have no confidence.
I wrote her a letter which I put in her thank you card, the letter was very long and described in great detail how she had helped me with each step we worked on. It was a really lovely letter-even if I do say so myself.
I kind of expected her to say thank you or something after she read it and text me later but she didnt.
Well anyways, I miss her so much this week and really feel abandoned, I am in two minds if I should just ring her and ask her can I see her again in the future as she is the only t for me. I know it defeats the whole purpose of a closing session but I would apppreciate any advice on the subject.
I told her when she mentioned I was done with therapy how I have such a bad time detaching from people and she said it was a good idea to learn from this closing session.
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  #2  
Old Jul 30, 2012, 09:37 PM
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hi, I thought that was the T who ended things with you after you were saying you'd been suicidal every day? would returning be an option, and would it be helpful or is it more the attachment thing which is too hard to deal with (which I completely understand)
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  #3  
Old Jul 30, 2012, 10:03 PM
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I'm not sure I totally understand the hows and whys of the ways this termination came to be. So I can't tell if it is a good idea to contact her or not.

I did end with my T after 3 sessions. He asked me if we were done & I took that to mean that we were done, so I didn't make another appt. I freaked OUT 2 weeks later and sent him a weirdo email about my raging transference. He brought me in on a crisis appt and we resumed my therapy.
  #4  
Old Jul 30, 2012, 10:33 PM
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Quote:
I did end with my T after 3 sessions. He asked me if we were done & I took that to mean that we were done, so I didn't make another appt. I freaked OUT 2 weeks later and sent him a weirdo email about my raging transference. He brought me in on a crisis appt and we resumed my therapy.
that's great it worked out
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  #5  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 02:38 AM
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Perna Perna is offline
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The closing session is generally it when you terminate; they generally don't respond afterwards (I've sent cards, letters, etc.). I have not called a T after termination.

I would look forward at what you want to work on/try next to move along in your life, maybe do something to gain some confidence; take a course of some sort (public speaking can be good) or join a group?
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  #6  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 05:24 AM
Anonymous32765
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I did not terminate,, she did she said we had wanted pretty much everything! I don't feel like we covered enough! I feel like we have so much more work to do! She wanted to terminate after a really bad session where I felt the worst I hate ever felt! Really suicidal, so I didn't understand where the termination came from! This time last year she wanted to terminate too, here t s take the whole month of august off so maybe they just want to get rid of their old clients!
  #7  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 05:41 AM
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Did you tell her you didnt actually want to terminate or just go along with that? It sounds really weird does your new t also take august off?
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  #8  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 06:52 AM
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Yeah tiger girl, they all take august off over here:-( I did just go along with that she said.... That it was time for termination but now I regret it!
  #9  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 07:14 AM
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I want to ring her and tell her that I can't do this alone, that I still need her help but I don't know how she will take that because the letter I sent pointed out how much she actually helped me but also that I was still severely depressed and couldn't cope with that. I do still need help to cope with this but maybe she is not the one to help me through this part of my life. I just wish I could talk to her one last time...
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  #10  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 07:24 AM
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i feel like i want to talk to my t as well but i know it would never be "one last time" i hate that i can't talk to him. i don't know if it helps that it wasn't his choice or mine for us to part.

the thing is that you need to deal with the loss and if you keep the door open you never will. i think that's the whole point of no contact after termination. you will deal with other losses in life and this is an opportunity for you to learn to deal. to see that you will come through it no matter how painful.

i know that things with your T weren't always smooth. have you considered just getting a new T, especially as you don't feel like you were done with therapy.
  #11  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kiki86 View Post
i feel like i want to talk to my t as well but i know it would never be "one last time" i hate that i can't talk to him. i don't know if it helps that it wasn't his choice or mine for us to part.

the thing is that you need to deal with the loss and if you keep the door open you never will. i think that's the whole point of no contact after termination. you will deal with other losses in life and this is an opportunity for you to learn to deal. to see that you will come through it no matter how painful.

i know that things with your T weren't always smooth. have you considered just getting a new T, especially as you don't feel like you were done with therapy.
Hi Kiki,
hope you are doing alright after your termination? x
You are absolutely right, I do need to deal with loss as its something I have always struggled with, so many people have left without expalnation or even a goodbye!
I can deal with if somebody dies, as painful as that is but when someone is alive and well and you have to just accept its over; this I struggle with. I know there has to be an end to therapy eventually but I was not nearly ready to end it with her...yest is was never really smooth, but therapy isn't supposed to be and I have realised that she pushed my buttons to try to release my anger but it never worked in session, everything she did that upset me had a purpose; this termination was to let me deal with letting go... she said that it is never easy but one can ;earn a great deal from this... she also said that I have come on leaps and bounds since my first session and I should be proud but I am not.
I have a brand new T but I don't really gel with him...he is very hard to talk to not like my old T who I could say anything to
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  #12  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 08:52 AM
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((((button)))) It can't hurt to contact T and say what you need/would like. My T1 told me the door is always open but at the same time I feel like there's a part of her that wishes I would never come back (all in my head I'm sure). Therapy can be so complicated sometimes!
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  #13  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 08:52 AM
Anonymous32765
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna View Post
The closing session is generally it when you terminate; they generally don't respond afterwards (I've sent cards, letters, etc.). I have not called a T after termination.

I would look forward at what you want to work on/try next to move along in your life, maybe do something to gain some confidence; take a course of some sort (public speaking can be good) or join a group?
Thanks Perna,
thats exactly what T said, that I need to widen my circle and go out there and meet plenty of frogs to find my princess ))))
  #14  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 08:55 AM
Anonymous32765
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Originally Posted by geez View Post
((((button)))) It can't hurt to contact T and say what you need/would like. My T1 told me the door is always open but at the same time I feel like there's a part of her that wishes I would never come back (all in my head I'm sure). Therapy can be so complicated sometimes!
Thanks Geez,
those voices can be so annoying, the ones in our heads! See, I don't know what to do because I know I am supposed to be learning from all of this but it is making my depression worse because I went to her first of all to recover from my broken heart but now I have two broken hearts=twice the depression
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  #15  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 08:58 AM
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Perna Perna is offline
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I don't know what kind of therapy you were in (I think you only saw your therapist once a month and only saw her a year?), was it grief therapy for your losses? Some types of therapy are only a certain number of sessions; was your insurance covering your therapy and maybe it only covers a certain number of sessions?
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  #16  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 09:02 AM
Anonymous32765
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Originally Posted by Perna View Post
I don't know what kind of therapy you were in (I think you only saw your therapist once a month and only saw her a year?), was it grief therapy for your losses? Some types of therapy are only a certain number of sessions; was your insurance covering your therapy and maybe it only covers a certain number of sessions?
No my insurance didn't cover it and therapy was once a week at first then moved to every second week then sometimes every week and other times every three weeks. I was in therapy for a year and a half with a five month break in between- her wish not mine.
It was just general therapy... they tend to cover everything here.
  #17  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by button30 View Post
No my insurance didn't cover it and therapy was once a week at first then moved to every second week then sometimes every week and other times every three weeks. I was in therapy for a year and a half with a five month break in between- her wish not mine.
It was just general therapy... they tend to cover everything here.
That's what my old therapy was like - lots of long times in between sessions, not of my making. I was SO excited when my new T handed me a long list of regular constant appointments of my very own.
  #18  
Old Jul 31, 2012, 09:21 AM
Anonymous32765
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That's what my old therapy was like - lots of long times in between sessions, not of my making. I was SO excited when my new T handed me a long list of regular constant appointments of my very own.
This I would love Pbutton
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  #19  
Old Aug 01, 2012, 08:12 AM
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pbutton pbutton is offline
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Originally Posted by button30 View Post
This I would love Pbutton
I keep meaning to tell T2 how much I like this. I figure it is probably important for him to know, but I feel a little silly, you know?

Do you want to try for a different new T? Maybe one who will give you a little list of appointments of your very own?
  #20  
Old Aug 01, 2012, 07:53 PM
Anonymous32765
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Originally Posted by pbutton View Post
I keep meaning to tell T2 how much I like this. I figure it is probably important for him to know, but I feel a little silly, you know?

Do you want to try for a different new T? Maybe one who will give you a little list of appointments of your very own?
For me there is no other T, only the one I had. I would like to be back in therapy with her and no one else...
  #21  
Old Aug 01, 2012, 08:28 PM
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kiki86 kiki86 is offline
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button30. i think i know how you're feeling. i am getting a new t though. well one is being assigned to me. i think it will be ok. i don't think i could possibly feel for her what i feel for exT but that might be a good thing. maybe it would be good for you too? someone who could help you but without all the attachment and feelings that come with a T that you feel so bonded to?
  #22  
Old Aug 01, 2012, 08:56 PM
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Yeah, I just got out of session with T2. We talked a lot about how he wasn't T1 and how that was hard for me.
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